updatey doo. dont need a cookie.

I am beside myself right now. I have chosen to leave my job as a supervisor for the administration team to a store closer to me to be just an associate in the administration team. i know it's fo the good . we can move to bellingham an have our own place. Tony is actually excited abou this, he even admitted that he has always wanted to live in bellingham as well.the rent is pretty cheap. and it's close to the colleges,bus lines, my work, downtown. the wild buffalo- kristen you know what i mean... so much more opportunites,because i would really like to work in hr at western washington university. how cool would that be.
but, i have reservations, even though tony's mom has been giving us advice and ideas of where to move to. i just am nervous, tony still doesn't share stuff with me, like finances and such. so i feel reluctant. i also am going to have to borrow money to give some things taken care of. i really don't want to live in a place with him, without us being marred. is that weird. i guess after 8 years, i need to know we have this together,a goal, it's ours. i guess it's me trying to have control over things, i can't. you can't chane someone with a piec of paper, and i know this. i just am tired of what we aren't. not married, not living on our own.
tony's parents, said that if it's too hard to find a place for the dogs, they could stay here, and we would just get them part of the week, which means we will still have to find a place put a deposit down for them, and get them on my days off or tony's. so like 2 or 3 times a week, if that. so i don't know.
it's scares me to be without my babis, but bruce is so old and not to have his yard and go out whenever, scares me too. and it scares everyone else. i hope he makes it throuh this year. it's hard, he is my little baby dog, he goes everywhere with me., so not to have them all the time, but until tony and i can  this thing working, maybe it will be for the best. thank god tony's parents are so supportive and understanding. i really love them, good parents, not that mine weren't, just different and good. i have given in to not being so anti everything including people, so life here hasn't been so bad.
then there is tony. he only has 1 day off for every 13. so i may see him in the mornings when he gets done working the night shifts of 12 hours. and i am off, for maybe 2 hours. so like never. i miss him and our issues aren't getting solved with him being gone so much. but, it's gettng there. we will make it and i believe it. So here's to being down 4 pants sizes and 30 pounds, and being moved out by summer. we can do this and we will. i even started doing situps every nigh and other random exervises i can do in my room.

I love my Tony bologne...

I just have to say that I love my Tony. He brings me breakfast every morning from starbucks. He says it's so we can have time together since we don't see each other during the week otherwise. Sometimes I overlook how good he is to me. I know this isn't everything, but it is now. I guess even though I get out of hand with my mood swings and all the health stuff. I just think he doesn't listen or care. But, he does, he listen too much. He knows me more than I know myself. Sometimes it's good. So this will be our last weekend together, before he works his overtime for 3 months. We are having a date nite, which I cannot say when the last one was. Maybe I will get a picture of us together, in my new dress. woohoo.

eating at night.

May this week give me control to not eat at night. I eat really healthy. But, it stil has calories and carbs. So I have asking for control to not snack so much at night. I really don't feel hungry in the day, but as I found it, if my blood sugar is too low, I am a shitty moody crazy emotinal freak. So on the way to the movies last night, i ate a piece of chocolate. sugar, I was like yea i am normal, I am not an emotional freakin idiot. but, yes I have blood sugar issues, and I need to control this. So I ate subway, very healthy. During the movies, I did have popcorn and diet soda, and another piece of chocolate.
To my suprise. My fasting blood sugar was 108.
To make more sense. I am allowed 3 carb choices to a meal. and 2 for a snack. Carb choies are 1 15 grams of carb per serving, 1.5 cups of veggies, and a dairy serving. I have been following this since my appt with the diabetic education class, I took. I have had better blood sugar. Which will lead to my incision healing fast. the scab came off and i thought it was infected, but no it just oozes fat and goo. very gross.
So I am going to do this.  I will have restraint on my evening snackings!
I will do this
I will do this
I will do this.