I must prevail...

So i have come to the conclusion that i have taken total advantage and misunderstanding of my body. Don't know where i went wrong, but i am totally paying the price now.. i had another trip to the e.r and let me tell you it was such excruciating pain, that i wish i could just sleep forever. i didn't have to wait as long and that shot we with a painkiller and valium this time.. it really helped the pain stopped for about 4 hours and i spend the whole nite up and down with 4 hours of sleep, which didn't happen in one lapse. i am now going to a different doctor so they can look everything over and hopefully get an mri, to see if i do have an actually herniated disca and what is going on. because if i do i may need surgery. can you believe that me at 26 possible candidate for back surgery. so my goals are definately to loose weight, going to the chiropractor and massage, possibly physical therapy. tony and i are signing up at the gym and when i can sit correctly without shooting pain up and down my leg and am going to try yoga. it;s just that my hips are being pushed out of place from my muscles being so tense. so i can stretch and have massages right now, without screaming at the top of my lungs, because it hurts so bad. i just hope i can get better, because i just want to move on with my life, you know get a job, move out of here and tony and i to just be. he really is the best thing in my life, he does everything for me because i can barely walk for more than 5 min, even bein on my feet for that long is so painful. i am very blessed to have him, because if i didn't well i know i wouldn't be as happy. so i hope everyone else is good, just wanted to let you know i am trying to get better. and i am still searching for that purse, sorry for the hold up. can't wait i know. i promise soon! happy day.

blog of the bag

Just wanted to throw out a thought kelly brought to attention. we all need to have group blog. it would be so much easier for us. and i still haven't found the perfeft bag, but tomorrow i am going to hard core look for one. so wish me luck and let me know about the group thing. then we can put pictures up of each of us with the bag when we get it, how cute. someday i want to have a coffee shop called the traveling bag and we can showcase all the cool places this thing went and what was in it and stuff. That would be fun and ya know some special brownies, he he. ok so i am going loony, please forgive. lov yas

Traveling Bag

Since the headband may be a questionable subject. i believe that kristen is a winner on this. A bag or purse would probably be very suitable. That way we could add more stuff to it and in it and always be reminded of everyone when we use it. Since all of us are each unique it would definately have a flair, for sure. So this weekend i am going to look for this bag or puse and if any of you see on that could possible be an empty canvas let me know and we can go from there. Then we can list some guidelines for the purse, things we cannot do with it and how we should handle it, like what things we do with it, kind of like the movie but not, because it will be so much cooler. i just think this would definately keep us all a little closer, because we seen to be in a part of our lives where we really need each other and this could help. so let's get going cause we all know we crafty. hey we should have tape in and each person could add a new song each time they get and then we could all be influeced by a differnet sound of how that person is feeling at that time. mmm so many ideas.. good job girls i can't wait.. and we we always write a hand written letter and put it in the purse that way it can be more personal, unless you girls think we should blog about it?
guidelines
1. Use this purse for 30 days, use at all times during your duration, no matter where you go or what you do. This will be your inspiration in your life.
2. Add all positive items to purse. To be inner or outer. Like the use of patches , materials, buttons, compact mirrors, perfurme, lotions, charms, ribbons, etc.
3. Never use purse in negative or violent manner unless for selfdefense.
4. May add loose objects of creativitc such as tapes, notes, gifts 4 the next recipient.
5. This purse/bag will be our source of connection for the support of all sisterhood, we should have this object as a outlet of our inspirations
so let me know anything else and if we should get rid of any of these ideas. love you all!!!

Sisterhood of the traveling headband.

How cool would it be to have a headband that we can share and each time we get it in the mail we add something new to it, like a ribbon or sticker or whatever. And this can be our connection throughout our friendship, alicia and i thought this would be cool! How about it t.d., krissy, and kell. it would be near since we may not all be so close in distance soon. i think it would be fun. and when we are done with one we can start another and it would be so cool to tell about the times we had with it on. yea so i watch sisterhood of the traveling pants and i loved it, so whatever i love cheesy love and the sisterhood of all. so let's do. it ok. comment please!

I love myself.

May i become who i have always been. may i have control of my life so that i may be free of my insanity. it becomes and overbearing load. when my finger wants the trigger i can only cry and run. then i can be the happy one, because that's all that everyone else wants. i can't take anyone else, being me. being me into what they want. i will not take the enduring pain of them. the harsh pain of my onmotivated being of crazy, of crazy land. i shall make an island where i will do the cartwheels. they will reinforce my goodness and then i shall be one. one with what? my self, why, all i want to do is separate and run, run far away and cry. just the tear no one sees but can only heal if it is felt.?

recovering

So i would like to let everyone know that i am doing much better. i can actually drive my jeep now! yea it is so nice to be sort of back to my normal state. yet at nite i am so sore and can barely stand up. so yes i have been thinking of doing yoga to stretch and make my muscles stronger and i definately need to go on a diet, to loose some weight so i can have stronger muscles.. it is definately a awake up call for me to be a healthier person. i just can't believe i am this young and so sick all the time. maybe it's something else and i am just not catching it. anyways i shouldn't freak my self out because i can get better and i will . i have religiously going to the massage and chiropractors, drinking more water and exercising more. i need to get into action. i just feel so tired and all my energy is just drained from doing normal activities like just going into town. well i need to add more songs to my playlist, have great day all!

death could have me, if it wants

So to let everyone know, i have officially killed my back again. and it fucken sucks. it is like the worst feeling anyone could go through. i have managed to habe to bulging muscles in my back which push against two of my disc which are pinching my siatic nerve in the left leg . the nerve runs from the lower back down to your feet. it's awful. it took tony 2 hours to get me out of bed into the shower so i could ya know because my muscles would not relax. then out to the truck to the chirocpractor. which they sent me to the e.r we were there for 5 hours and aftermy hip of a shot in hip or valium and vicodin, i was pretty uncaring of anything. then we got a prscription of these and i officially ran out the other day. damb drugs why do i love them so, it will be the death of me i supposse if i don't find another outlet. anyways i am now currently up and walking and can sit down with slight pain, i take 800mg of ibuprofen every 4 hours or if needed. i am only suppossed to do this 3 times a day. so i am following that regim today. i am doing well, i think. now sleeping at nite is an issue. i can't relax enuff to sleepi i even take tylenol pm with my ibuprofen, but i am up every 2 hours in agonizing pain from my calf down to my toes and especially in my ankle, so i use a hot pack on that. i finally fell asleep in the recliner in the formal living room at like 3 then up at 6:30 then i think i slept good in bed until 11:30 with out tony, cause he is at work. i know i am rambling about this and not paying attention to grammaticals. but i don/'t care. i am currently going to the chiropractor, starting with massage next week and i believe that maybe yoga would be a good thing for me to get into. so if anyone has any ideas on how to help me because this has happened to me 3 times in 4 months. so i am alive and trying.

This time of year

I have to say that i had a wonderful Easter! i got my sister's basket all together, i was so happy. i do this every year for her, because my mom always did it. it would have to be the hardest time of year for us and especialy gama e. Because this was the holiday all of us girls just spend togehter all 4 of us. we dress up go to church go out to eat( maybe cook) and then we would go shopping. i miss it so much, gosh i can't even hold back the tears now. i just hope my mom looked down and enjoyed it as much as we did. we took my dad and kelly out for dinner on saturday. then we took kelly back with us as did more shopping. When we got back to my house we dyed eggs, eggs, and more eggs. then on easter morning after i cook homemade biscuits and gravy, then we, well actually i made about 30or 40 easter cupcakes, i have so many people, i don't even know what to do with them. But we had dinner with my dad tony's parents and aunt and uncle. it was nice and comforting, knowing that i have a wonderful family that really truly loves me out here. i couldn't ask for anymore. Other in a way to get tony on the friggen video games, ahh i want to break them all. but anyways i had a great easter and i hope my sister i did,too. i even talked to my grama fri,sat and sun. just so she would know that we remember, too. so then she brought up the times we had easter in carroll with mom and how i cooked. she really liked it. it's so hard to not remember sometimes, not that i don't, but it makes me miss her so much and sometimes i can't believe that she is gone. and then i think of all the ways i could have made it better, i should have come to visit more or i should have let her move out here like my aunt asked me to. but i can't do that either. it just comes down to the face that she is gone and in a better place, but i just miss her so much and i hope she is laughing and feeling special. she truly was a special person and i am so proud to be her daughter,. i love you mom.

Happy Easter

I am totally into the whole easter thing. my favorite thing to do for this is dye eggs. we do about 2 flats of eggs. so much fun and i have like 7 different kits. like tie-dye, speckled, glitter, hello kitty, start wars and the others. i wonder if jesus would like to dye eggs if he was here and does it represents my high colored spirituality. i hope so cause i give my colored eggs to the man who rose again to save our sins. does that make sense? nah just like my sister said, i don't believe in easter but i like getting a easter basket. i guess that's what athiests say. my sister and her non beliefs only if my grandma knew. it's funny half my family are christans and the other half, well dad and kelly are athiests. well, it leads to a great discussion that what i say. and yes i made my sister an awesome easter basket. Now jesus would totally like that. HAPPY EASTER

Why did it have to be Gina? No

so i love american idol, i watch it like every week with sharon. Must see! i just can't believe that they kicked off my favorite girl, gina. so retarded. she is so good and it pisses me off that america would vote her off and keep sanjaya, whatever i am pissed.. fuck america! and their voting bullshit they don't know original good singing if it slapped them in the face. but good luck to her and the all the good things that may come her way. Blake is awesome too! and he is from washington yea go Blake!

My girls

I am totally excited to learn that my girls may be comign to visit me, this summer. yea i cannot wait to see them. My sister kelly is graduating in june and i know that she would just totally love to see them again, and my dad would totally get a kick out of it. i just can't believe that she is still even old enough to be graduating from like anything. crazy man crazy. To think that double decker taco(she would absolutely kill me if she knew i said that, so don't tell her,k!) is 18 and going off into the real world, little does she know, that it is hard. she has this pretty little picture that everything is just going to fit into place, we will see about that. it's also funny to know that we will be going to the same community college at the same time. I can so keep an eye on her, like it matters anyway. she will just ignore me anyways. i just hope the best for her and that she doesn't make the same mistakes i did. i also wish that mother was here to see all of this. Because kelly has turned into quite the young woman, still has a stupid mouth, but she has progresse well.. Very artistic i may say as well. But i also can't wait for the girls to be here so i can just see them. i wish all of my people come, but i know there is a lot going on back there, and we all have to do what we gotta do. So i hope i get to see everyone soon, anyways and i love you all, so very much. much love peach happiness and magik.

The cookbook

So i have decided that i want to write a cookbook. since i totally love cookbooks and cooking. I figured this to be good outlet for me. A hobby that i would truly enjoy. Something that i could share with all the people i love and for people to be inspired by.. So i just need a title and basis for the book. Maybe something to dowith easy recipes for the working girl or the spiritual guide to easy cooking or recipes from the heart . With easy to read a literature and stories for every recipes and pictures. i think i could really do this and take my own pictures maybe even have it posted somewher on the computer. mm i think i have a good idea and i can't wait to get started.