I am now in my new job. I love it again! It feels so amazing to be needed, loved, missed. who would have thought. Everyone raved how much i am needed there, someone who knows how it all works. But, the best part. I am happy putting in 10 hours a day, getting paid shit, working 7 plus days in a row, worrying about my job all the time. bitching about my job. The stress. Oh stress, deadlines, goals, multi-tasking. How i missed theee
And all my friends, the ones I love having in my life. People i can trust, I can count on. Why did I ever leave. Well, it made me realize how much I can improve from last time, where i need to work the most. Like, not rushing as much. Allowing others to do their job, working on being a leader, which is my main goal. i am a perfectionist, so it's hard sometimes. Having people believe in me is the best too. Allowing change to happen, letting the associates have someone to count on to fix their problems.
The sad thing is that i love being away from home. Not like weepy sad, just sad that I need it. That i feel i can't be at home, because once again, it kind of sucks.
Tony not having a job, counting on me for paying for everything. Him not telling me he isn't getting check or telling me the car payments aren't paid. You know, the normal routine of my relationship. But, i am dealing, i go to work, skim my finances, more and more. And yes i have to cancel tanning. stupid as fuck. limit my american's.. stupid as fuck too. All stupid. But, i believe it has to get better, i need the hope it will. It may not, but this is where I am. Doing my thing, bettering my self, being happy at work. funny how when you are happy at home, work sucks, vice-versa. Where has my balance been. Am i underestimating my self, holding my self back. Because i feel obligated. Well, actually yes to most of it. But, there are steps, little ones. i will make it, because if this is all i am getting thrown right now. So BRING IT UNIVERSE. GIVE IT ALL. TEST ME. Ok, pushing the universe isn't going to get me anywhere, because then i will get a ball i don't want. So it's the middle of september I am where i was 2 years ago, only i make a little more, accomplish a little more, at work. That which tears you at your home base, shall motivate your home away. RIGHT. PLEASE TELL ME THATS A THING. if it's not, well i am making it a thing.
