For my friend..

I love you friend. I wish you to be happy, safe, and abundant in life. I wish I could erase your pain and sorrows, but only that is for you to do. So I am going to send you some thoughts from a book, I look to inspire me. When things are hard, or I just don't care to want to fix. It's called Medications from conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. Enjoy...

Act as if you were seperate from nothing, and no one. This will  heal your world tomorrow. Ths is the greatest secret of all time.

Most people enter relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them. The purpose of relationship is to decide what part of yourself you would like to see show up. Not what part of another you can capture and hold.

Let this be your task, let this be your greatest joy. To give people back to themselves. Even in their darkest hour, especially in that hour.

If you spend your time trying to figure out what's best for you, your choices, will be cautious, your decisions will take forever, and your journey will be launched on a sea of expectations. If you are not careful, you will drown in your own expectations.

Power comes from inner strength, Inner strength does not come from raw power, in this, most of the world has it backwards.

Friend, I hope you see that within the days, it will be better, brighter, with less pain. So i give you this from Thoreau:

The language of friendship is not words, but meanings. It is an intelligence above language:)

okay.. i had more to say..

I need to know what i did in my past lives to deserve major issues with my healthy emotions and everything else in between. every year it's something dramatic. something like changing. is it my body now saying. hey erin... stop.... take care of yourself and it will all fall into place. i don't know.
But i was just thinking... I would like a peaceful year. full of love and hope. newness.

So this is the year it will happen. I guess. Enought about my issues.

Tony is working nights starting this week. He will be working 50 hours week. Then onto 60 hours. I won't see him as much for a while. But it may lead to really awesome morning sex. Then i get ready for work. Get into my car and listen to my amazing mixed tapes i found in there. Kelly i need more...or anyone tapes, please. Cd's work good too, but it was pretty cool to find it. Then down the road with my coffee. for 45 minutes to sing along to everysong. Prepare for my 9 hours and the slaves mines. aka corporate america, killing me slowly.  I will spend a lot of night alone, which last night i found out i can't sleep without somebody there. my dogs were like no, we aren't sleeping with you . you smell. or whatever poofy dogs say..lol
It's weird. i may be a little more co dependent that i thought. so this is good.

But the underlying issues is this. I brought up to tony me getting a place soon. in case he takes on any traveling positions for the summer. He totally looked at me like i was crazy. but i don't know why couldn't we move out. i think if he goes out of state to work for like 4 or 5 months i am not going to be stuck here. hello i would officially loose it. but i guess it is a disussion we can worry about when and if he does go.

the title i can't think of because i overthink what my titles are so i am not actually going to give this a title.

Hello.
I am proud of myself. I have lost 20 pounds.
 following my no sugar low fat low carb low sodium diet, did me good for a couple of weeks.
checking my blood sugar and taking all my pills i have been good.
The delima happens to be that once i started to eat a litle more, i got energy. i was basically not eating enough. so now that i am eating more, i have only lost 1 pound this week. so that means i have to step it up and really exercise my ass off. i have to loose 20 more pounds by may. that is my goal. so as long as i monitor my blood sugar, say no to what i cannot eat, i will do fine.

I have to say that my latest health problem scared the shit out of me. high cholesterol diabetes high blood pressure. doesn't that equal like basically old people death bed shit. well not me.... i have to do this. i just have to and i will. I am at my plateau so i will  step up my game and try even harder.
So fitting into a pair of jeans i bought 2 years ago, so basically like my skinny jeans, it was amazing.
the photo tony put up today didn't do justice. which is funny..
i am like. tony take a good picutre of me so i can have a new profile picture. so as i am pulling up my pants and making a funny face, he clicks.. sure erin it's good. you are so beautiful.
fucking stupid horseshit buttface.
i just say that because he never gets the picture right, like ever.
so heres to a good year a health...
i am going to be fucking fantabulous by the end of the year. everyone better hold me to it.

loves