RIP

October 30 2012:
It has been 9 years since mike has passed. This day brings more memories, than his birthday. I think i felt more emotional about it on the way to work yesterday. i mean everything happens for a reason, and his place in my life now, well it's just not it. It's more like, I feel I let someone down, him. shit it still fucks with my head and I miss him. It was such a nieve part of my life. maybe that's what it was for. any ways, it's been 9 years... and the shit i have done since then... we all make our choices and i cannot hold on to guilt for a man who took his life so selfishly. I will just remember that good times and how funny he was and just leave it at that. Maybe he's the one who watches over me, who knows. But here's to you Michael William Hallameck. RIP

the reading made it real

So one of the girls who works for me gave me a tarot card reading for my birthday. It really validated my decisions that I made this week
I am staying in Everett to continue the job I am in. It is the best decision because I can pursue my career within Macy's even more, from the position I am in. Because my opporutnies are more vast due to the volume of store I am in. Going back to Burlington would actually be going back in my position.
Now moving to Iowa... I am just going to keep trying to find us good jobs there. But, with so many troops coming back by this winter, that mind deminish job searches especially in such a small community. But i am keeping my hopes up, it's all i have is hope...
I am doing better at work ... Everyone was so nice for my birthday there! I got pink roses, 3 cards, a bithday cake and and they even sang to me.. Sooo funny! also my new friend at work got me a really cute scarf.
So things are what they are...

delima

1. do i actually move to iowa.. tony needs to find a good job first.. maybe hard
2. do i transfer back to burlington, and tell them i may not move. they know i want to but not a set date
3. do i stay at my job for however long i need to until i can move to iowa
4. do i transfer to burlington, not move. help my dad and sis out, by renting a place with them in either burlington or bellingham, where tony works.
5. am i crazy for wanting to move back to iowa
6. yes my grandma june and dad think it's a stupid idea.
7. i am filing for my divorce papers, i have to let my grama june know when it's finaly so she can put me back into her will,. scary
8. i will miss washington if i move.. seriously.. miss..
9. tony wants to end up back in california someday.
10. i tell him he doesn't have an option since we have been living in this bedroom with a stupid red wall for 7 years, yes 7 years..
11. as soon as i am divoced i am going to marry tony.
12. the ring better be awesom
13. should i transfer back to burlignton, save 200 dollars a month in gas and 30 hours of my life not haveing to drive in stupid retarded traffic
14. i really like the executive team in everett. minus some others,  so it sucks
15.. where is the answer fairy when you need her