AHhhhhh! i start my new job next week.. Money is fucked up.. Stressing me out.. I know it will be fine. it has to. Just when getting this temp job would help us out, it's all we have for the moment. I need to just get shit together. abhhhhh... this year is fucken crazy. I am changing my nail polish. that's my change. tomorrow is better

3 libras

that's what i have in my life, my dad on the 11th, tony on the 6th, and me on the 18th... i had a great time on saturday when my dad and sister came over. we celebrated all of our birthdays. i made homemade lasagna( that was amazing, thank you very much). drank some wine, watched a movie, then had pumpkin pie. my sister and dad got tony a new book and a seattle seahaws t-shirt, he loved it  of course. then she got me a new purse, (yea) and soem bath and body works set, i think it's called dark kiss, well whatever, it's amazing., and it came in a cool purple bathtub! it was fun to have my family , the dogs and just hang out. Then with tony's parents gone, even tho i miss them, it's nice to have the house to ourselves! it's like our very own vacation. Then yesterday tony gave me his present early. He got me some new perfume! so i should be smelling good for a while, mmmm i wonder if this means they think i smell bad. any who, it's been a good week, i had a few days off, and i go back for 3 full days, then off for my birthday , and to pick them up at the airport in seattle , on my birthday. so i am hoping they will take me out to olive garden. i'm getting my hair done today. nothing major, just up keep . wish i could go short again, but i am trying to grow it out, it's just since well the loss , i have so much calcium in my body, i have long nails, and my hair is growing thicker, and it's crazy just like 6 weeks ago , i had my hair done, and it's like it's been 3 months. so yes it's been 6 weeks since the miscarriage. i am better about it. i am not as sad, but when i see babies, or families, on t.v. or wherever, it makes me tear up because i still want that, i honestly thought it would pass, but truly it hasn't this is what i want. but, enough of that, i will 30 in less than a week, i am starting a new job, sooooo here's to positively good new stuff!!!!!!

new job!

So i finally got the administrative support team supervisor position. which basically means i am in charge of the cash office, assistant to the store manager and human resources manager. which i will have my own office, have more reponsibilites as in scheduling the two cash office associates, interview schedules and matching managers to the schedule, scheduling computer based training, on-line paperwork, for new associates. Attending lots of meetings and taking lots of notes. So this will be an awesome experience. i am doing this position while my current supervisor is on maternity leave. So i am hoping i can overcome my flaw of feeling bad when i have to tell people bad things,... something i will definately over come. being more assertive goes along with this. which i am having a in balance issue with this, due to the other position i once had as a manager, when i was too assertive, had two employees quit because of me, and lost some friends, due to me being too bitchy. so now i am not assertive enough i need to become this. not because i have to but because i have a tendency to sugar coat things, so i don't hurt people's feelings. i have no problem doing this in my own personal life. so why as a professional do i feel like i can't. because i do not want people to hate me. i know if my friends and family think i am bitchy they will still love me. but, strangers, co workers.  so i am going to work on this, do my best and be myself. i will have this job for 4 months, and if she decides to not come back or leave soon after she comes back i could have it full time. so wish me luck. i will be busy, stressed and well back to my regular work self, hopefully. 

Bring me love...

I have some awesome news!!! i spoke with  mike last week about getting this divorce taken care of. He has gone to our lawyer to make sure that all of the paperwork is sign correctly. Then the lawyer is just going to page where i need to sign. So hopefully i will be going down in a couple of weeks to do this. Then the he said he could have it filed going through court in a month. So I am only counting on that it could be possible that i will be free by the end of the year. I am not going to believe it until i see it. But, this means that i also don't have to pay for it myself, and i no longer have to worry about it who has to sign what and send to here and show up,, blah, blah , blah. So here is to hoping one thing will go right this year.

also since i am going to be turning stupid 30 in like 2 weeks. I want the following to happen:
  get the job as adminstrative support team supervisor, temporary, possibly leading into full -time!!!
 Tony to pass his border patrol test on my birthday.... Just send out good vibes, please!!!
To not be sick.....
All of this things mentioned could bring endless possibilities to our future. Who knows where it will take us or how far we can go... Things are needing to change. It's been such a hard year, which so many obstacles weighing us down..It can only get better right, and they were all things that were uncontrolled. i could have never ever prevented any of them. So here's to trying to somewhat have control on our future.

sick days.

so on top off everything else in my life. i have managed to get sick. i have a sinus infection, which is gone due to my antibiotics i took earlier this week, but i had to go back on wednesday, get chest x-rays, no pneumonia thank god!!! but, i had to have my oxygen level tested, be put on a nebulizer, which helped tremendously. to find out that i have asthma.  which i did have sports asthma in school. but this is different, i tried to move some boxes at work on friday, only across the hall, and i coudln't breathe, at all. i was also prescribed a steroid to open up my bronchial tubes for a couple of days, it make me so hyper, anxious, restless, that i hardly slept for 2 days. it helped, but now it's been a week, i still feel shitty and my ears are still plugged up, my nose runs, and i cough. due to which i haven't been smoking so that's a plus. i am just tired, and don't feel good, i want it to go away. im afraid i will have to go back to the dr, to have my ears drained, because i hate the feeling of them being so plugged up. it seems i always get sick at the beginging of fall. so stupid, this stupid cold and flu shit....