Stay up up up!!!

I pray that everything I have been through was to give me strength. The strength to hold on to life. To hold me up and never let me cross that fine line. The one that will snap in a given moment in some. I pray that I hold on to hope.

i have gracefully taken every blow. I fall to the ground, shaken, scared, afraid to react. Then i stand up, dust my self off and contunue on. Right now, i continue until the next hit. So much pain and loss. I have not once given in. So is that my lesson, never give in. Never let the pain take over. What did i do in my past lives that i now need to learn no to be taken over by such devestation.
I write this to a testament to myself. If i were to ever list the shit i have gone through, i wouldn't. My life has been so tough. one thing after another. I am trying to figure out if i am giving enough to this world., if that is the cause of all this mess. So dramatic and life changing, each one. I am just so tired, lost, and mad. Mad at myself for not trying hard enough. I don't want pity, empathy, or encouragement, i just want an answer. One thing just to make it okay. Am i in my right place. Am i what I am. It's like it's out of reach, just past my fingertips, it only shows when the light shimmers over the layer of dust that surrounds the world. I just keep going, day by day. Until that one day when i don't stand up, it will be okay.