Christmas

so christmas was really good this year! I had to work christmas eve, only till ten in the morning. Then i came home and tony had alreay started making more cookies. he went to finish shopping and brought me back with some tea and a sandwich. We made peanut brittle with my sister. Sugar spice cookies that i decorated the stars and trees, white chocolate dipped pretzels with christmas colored sprinkles, and fudge with marshmellows and peppermint. we were busy and sure made a mess of the kitchen, but he and his mom chipped in and helped me. thankful for that! we finally figured out how to make the cookie press, it's awesoame, thanks santa 2 years ago! Then we got ready to go up to the ranch for fondue! it was pretty good, i got burned, but it's worth it for the beer battered shrimp i made with sweet and sour sauce! then the bread and cheese, nmmmmm yummmy! we had to leave early to come home for our christmas.
My sister joined us christmas eve, so we all opened our presents early, because tony's dad had to work the next morning. Everyone loved their gifts! Tony got me a new black leather jacker, it zips up and is so cool, a little small, but i decided i will loose weight to get it zipped up past my boobs, but who zips their up anyways? My sister was happy with all the gifts from macy's that i got her! we got to do the stockings early too, which was awesome, socks, kaluha and chocolate! we all hung out in the living room with our new jammies and watched amazing race, ( we recorded it from sunday). so all in all it was great.
Then on christmas morning i woke up and had a really bad pain in my left side and pressured was building up and pushing on my bladder. i finally went to the e.r. in incredible pain. Found out that i had a bladder infection, almost close to getting my kidneys, because their was lots of blood and protein in my urine. weird, but they gave me anibiotics and pain medicine. i felt better right away, but after a while and right as we sat down for the best dinner ever, i had to go throw up. then i had like a few bites. but i got to spend the day with my family and our friend sabrina, with her dog and my dad's wiley. they all got along. and my dad, tony, and his dad jack sat around drinking scotch, and had a good time. i love my family i have, they all mean so much to me, even when i want to hate them! But, this was a great christmas and i couldn't ask for anything more. except for maybe a designer bag, hahah kidding. but i am feeling better, even though i had to call in sick to day. the first one ever, i felt bad, but i need to get better! So i hope all of you had a great time! Oh and we get to see j.p. this weekend, too bad alicia isn't here either, butt head. but i love you anyway! happy holiday!

It's been a while...

So i have realized i haven't blogged in a while. i have been so busy getting up early for work, running errands all day, keeping the house organized, cooking dinners, shopping for christmas, visiting people, that i just have time to read through stuff and that's about it. if tony is home on any of my days off, he takes over the computer. so i had to be a work at 4 this morning, which meant getting up at 2:45. i have to admit i looked pretty good for that early. then i spend all day getting packages out and stuff that i finally sat down and relaxed at like 2, then fell asleep from 3:30 until 5:30. so it felt nice. i work all week, then i actually have my first weekend off. i think i am going to make candy like peanut brittle, cookies, maybe some fudge. i already made my grand marnier. it's almost ready, you have to shake and let it sit for like 10 days to get the full wonderful taste of it. then i can make awesome cosmos. you know, cranberry juice gran marnier,fresh squeezed lime and shake, they are delicious! so i am almost done christmas shopping,. Then i will feel a little more relaxed, i think. it's always a rush to get this person this and that person this, that i don't ever think that i am totally satisfied with what i get. so hopefully this weekend i can get it all done. so i hope everyone has a great holiday, because i know i will!oh and have a great week!

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I love cookies! And i believe this goes with saying. That sometimes you are expecting something when you realize you get something that you really don't want. I know this applies to relationships. There are many times i get things or shit happens and i am like what the fuck is this shit. But you can't always get what you assume you are entitled too!. i think that since people love me they should do things for me all the time and never think of themselves because i should come first. Well, i do this to tony all the time. i shouldn't, i know but, i always feel like i do everything for him and i need to remember to do things for him too! just like tony bought me a box of peanut brittle today, i ate it all so i had to make him chocolate milk. so i am just saying that not everything is the way it is and sometimes cookie monster will just have to have some fruit, it's good for you, too! which is to say things that you don't want and you end up getting are good for you and you never knew it! good day!

That's how it goes.

Well, today didn't go as smoothly as I wanted. It started from last nite with me not getting to sleep when i wanted to. I smeared my nail polish so i had to redo them this morning. When i got up i laid around for too long, which made me like 5 minutes late for work. Then work started out rough. i had to do the i.a. dept. all by my self, preparing for the special 2 day sale tomorror. Which i really don't know what i am doing, especially when my supervisor has no clue, because he is new. But i finally got it down and well as long as i remember where everything is tomorrow, i will do good. But they keep pulling me away from different areas and i can't get back in time and when i'm not there, my section doesn't get done, so whatever. hopefully i can just be the intimate apparel person and they can get there stuff back in order. Enough of work. I made the ultimate Erin. i locked my keys in my car at work. They were on my front seat i guess i left them there when i went to my car on last break. grrr mad grrrr arg. So i had to call my dad to come and resuce me, because tony was at work, everyone else was gone and all of the people i work with left already. So i had to wait for an hour because there was a car fire on the high way, so my dad had to turn around. whatever, stupid car fire. So i fianlly got home 90 minutes later, still don't have my car, because i thought tony had his set with him, but i just found them haning on the key thing and my dad already left. whatever. i am going to bed early will do my nails, have everything ready and i have to get up at 3 to be at work by 4, until 9. Then i finally get paid, so i am going to cash it take my dad out for breakfast. then back to the slave mines on saturday. life is grand. also, i am taking the spare key and will put it in my wallet, so this shit doesn't happen again. i'm friggen tired, hungry need a shower and still have to do laundry. ahhhhhh what would i do if i had kids. not ever going to happen. well, i might change my mind like some other day, but for today nonono.

nonsense... can't think of anything else.. too tired. have fun!

This is for the people who i call and never answer, i believe this is what could possibly be going on.... i don't know, but if you are an individual who doesn't answer my calls, then...u sicko!

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The second week...only time will tell....

So i have made it to my second week of work. It's going really well, i had to officially learn the intimate apparrel dept. today and it sucked. not only are there sales, but every style of different color of different brand is on sale, and it's all pretty different. i will just have to get used to it. i'm supposed to be full time but, my schedule says i am only working till 10 most days, which sucks. i checked my check on-line, which is awesome, since i don't get paid till friday, but i can check it in case i want direct deposit, then i can print it off for my records, neat huh. so i know how much i am getting on friday, but it's not as much as i would like, but hopefully after the holidays, less people will be working, to get things done and i can get more hours, which would be awesome, plus i get paid every friday. So yea. I am still tired and feet hurt, but not as bad, i just have to get used to it. The only bad thing, on friday i have to be at work at 4, because of a big sale, oh well. so that's all for my second week. Every one is nice and i have at least one person to hang out with, that works my schedule. it rules!
But, there's one thing. I feel like a totally different person. i get up at 4 do my hair and make-up , get to wear decent clothes and work in a really nice place, i should get more money for this!. It's just weird because i am not a morning person, but on my day off i got up at 6:30. I was afraid to sleep in because i would ruin my routine and schedule. it's weird. I just, well, feel so awesome about myself!. I am more active eating less, happier and well just happier. so it's good maybe next year will be my year.

Some interesting facts...about me!

This is the mince meat monster that my sister and I did for thanks giving, it was our first pie we have ever made together. We silly!

I was so thoughtfully tagged by angel... so i am suppossed to release 7 facts about myself, possibly something not every one knows. So here it goes...

1. I absolutely love clothes, shoes purses, you name it I love it! So i recently got a job at Macy's. yea yea yea! I get to go through clothes all day long. Which means that I know when sales are going to be on before they happen, because I se them up. I also put things in the clearance racks. I love it! They have a women's world and so cool, because my size clothes are always on sale and i get to go through them. Besides that i have an infinite collection of fashion magazine. They are pilled up all over my room from vogue, marie claire, cosmo, lucky, jane, instyle, just to name a few. I keep them all because I am convinced that I will need to look something up or will but out my favorite items and scrapbook them. Yea it will happen like never. So i just have magazine everywhere!

2. I watch food network, all day long, non stop. If i happen to be home and the t.v. is on I am probably watching it! I love it, eating food, cooking it, watching people cook it! I learn so much on here. So i am constantly trying out new recipes on my family. Some are not so good, but they seem to eat it. Then I get ideas, because someday I will finish my own cookbook. Still collaborating and thinking of a theme, name, etc.

3. I can't wait to be a grandma. This is the time when I can actually spend all day cooking, cleaning and going places, because i am retired. Then i can wear lots of gaudy matchy jewelry with my grama clothes. It will be so fun, baking, hanging out with kids I can get rid of at the end of the day and just chill with some wine with my old man by the fire. Gee I think i do that now with out the kids and traveling. well i have some working to do. But i do want to wear crazy old lady clothes and have bright red lipstick. Golden girls will be my heros.

4. My boyfriend Tony is spoiledand i love him beyond infinity. I make his lunch everyday, usually dinner, and well i don't do breakfast, because i leave before he even gets up. I also do all his laundry, clean house and make sure the little thing are done. I make his chocolate milk, well when I am in the mood. But i do this because i think if I do the things that make him happy, he will do the same for me. So Now when I want water, he usually gets it for me, i always forget before i go to bed. Every Sunday morning i make him a specialy breakfast, like biscuits and gravy, eggs benedict, or scrambles or omlettes. I love my babe so much, he is the best thing that has come my way and i intend to keep it that way. And no I don't really think I should buy him an xbox 360 live for x-mas, but i probly will if I have the money. I love him so much I think i hate him.

4. I love blankets. I have like any kind of throw blanket you can think of . I really like to use a different one all the time and switch them out, so if you ever need to give me something, a really cute blanket will do the trick. I trade them with my dog, sounds funny I know. But he actually steals them for me, so well maybe he has a blankie fetish.um.. kinky. But anything soft and fuzzy and well enuff to cover me from chin to toes, well do me good. i feel like curling up with one now!

5. My far away dream is: To right for a fashion magazine in a big city. Have a really cute apartment with a stoop, so I can hang out and drink coffee. My place would be decorated like shappy sheik. I wouldn't need a car to get anywhere, because it would either be walkable or public transportation. I would have one small animal and come home drink wine and eat noodle salads with my critter and watch the city. I would go to cool parties at cool bars, but still be a down to earth girl. Hence my love and addiction for SEX AND THE CITY. Well, if i had to be single and working, wouldn't it be great. Someday if i have to... It would be great.

6. I have a gym member ship: I go to water aerobics, to help stretch and heal my herniated disc, sciatica and really short muscles that I have in my left leg. It's fun, i need to pay my dues, so I can go again. It's a whole bunch of mainly older ladies, except for me and my friend sabrina. it's a great workout and i feel so much more energized, eat less and feel better about my self, confidence, esteem. it's grea to work out, now if i could only follow my advice and actually loose weight, in time it will come.

7. I love coffee! Triple venti vanilla latte. I have to drink these, week wouldn't be complete without a couple. I usually just drink regular coffee and vanilla creamer in the mornings for work, but when i have extra cash and need a pick me up, I hand over one of my many coffee cards and $3,50. I know it's crazy, but a little indulgence is what puts a smile on my face!

Now i am suppossed to tagg other people and link, but i don't understand that i can't even get my pictures right. So I will comment that people have been tagged then they can do this survey. Hope i did this right, if not i attempted it and that's what counts.. now have fun!

NEW JOB!!!

It's official... I have a job! I am a signing asssociate for Macy's Northwest in Burlington at the mall. It's so cool! I start at 5 in the morning and get off at1:30. I do all the sale sign and mark things down, so i totally know when all the sales are!. Also i get a 20% discount which can only be used on a macy's credit card, so i get to have one of those too! Can't you see me with a really awesome bag? Well, i get to wear just about anything that is nice, i don't work too much with the public, because we actually don't open until 10 in the morning. So i am just totally excited that i have a job, that pays well, it pays. but, i am working, tired as hell, and hopefully not wasting my life away. i have so many opportunites to move up in the company. I just really hoping that they will keep me permanately. Then i can get benefits, then finally get so new eye glasses, yes i am going blind. well, not really, but close enuff. So just to let everyone know, i will be in bed by 8:30 and up at 3:30, can you image that, me up early, well i am doing it and my dog still thinks he should go with me, so i have to play with him in the morning. it's like having a kid, abecause he totally pouts when i leave. Well, i need to finish laundry, get dinner prepared and i am so tired. so yea i have a job, that one is for you kelly, because you had to remind me to put up a post. k bye!

Green Bean Casserole... a must for turkey day.!

Thanksgiving Horoscope for Libra

You're the sign most likely to upstage the host or hostess with your charm. Your signature dish: Green bean casserole Your signature dessert: Chocolate cake This holiday: Make plans early and stick to them. It's easy for you to change your mind.

What's" Your Thanksgiving Horoscope?

I'M FAMOUS...CAN'T U TELL?

It's just another week...

I really don't have that much exciting news, yet . I have had 2 interviews today, one with the dry cleaners.,"glow cleaners" and Fred Meyers Grocery store. The dry cleaners have 36 hours, pay 8.5/hour, with no benefits, yet it's a small locallly owned business, with the owners living above the store, which is good for the community i live in. The other is starting with 20 hours, maybe more, depending on who calls-in, up 13 an hour, including union, benefits, when i do get to full-time. so it's a toss up, on who actually calls me first or if another company calls me. Whicn i do hope somebody does, the cleaners will call me by friday and the other in like 3-5 days. so i just need a job, christmas is coming so sooon, and i have like no money for that and i have so many bills to pay off, it's just ridiculous. i can't believe i got myself into this predicament. Everything does happen for a reason and god never gives me anything i can't handle. so only time will tell. i will get everything paid off, move out and life will just be so. until then, i need to work my butt off! so hope everyone else is doing good! oh and i go on the big shopping trip down to seattle this weekend for the soroptomist, tony's mom volunteers for them, so i get to help! yea i get money for my birthday for this trip! i shouldn't spend so much to save for my bills, or i could get people's gifts or get stuff for me? mmmm decisions. i should be responsible and maybe get myself one thing and then others's stuff. well, it will be fun no matter what. later!!!

I wasn't thinking...

So to add to my previous blog of how I don't like small talk with people... well, i guess i wasn't thinking. Because, i have been applying to like everywhere, all online. they have these attitude questions, well it's all about how you interact around people and crowds. well,. i am going to make a point to be more positve and smily around people i don't know and enjoy this small talk. maybe it will help me get a reall job.. ya know.

it really pulls my chain when.... ya know .... grrrr@!

I have an irk. i hate it when somebody i live with insists that i do something when i don't . i didn't want to get up this morning, because i couldn't sleep only had 2 hours and tony needed his lunch put together. youknow who, said, oh well that's your problem. she said oh just do it and go back to bed, what' s the big deal. well, i will tell you what the deal is, it is hard for me to go back to sleep, sometimes. and them she said b.s can you believe that b.s. well, most days i can't i usually don't fall back asleep until like 7 and she totally insisted that she could hear me and knows exactly when i fall back asleep and that was it. like i was lying and don't know what the the fuck i am talking about. well, i am so sick of that and she knows i won't say anything back to her. well, maybe i should. oh it pisses me off. ok i am done. good bye!

Halloween nite

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

This is such a funny! i love gummy bears so much! how perfect! Well, i actually had a great halloween. I decided to dress up as a kitty kat to pass out candy to all the little kiddies. we usally have 150 kids, but i don't even think we got but 75. that's ok, it was still fun! I even did the full on make-up, sharon took a picture but i didn't on my camera, sorry girls! We carved pumpkins last nite and they well, they are ok. mine had stars and moons on it. Then i did the pumpkin seeds. My friend sabrine came over with her dog sweet pea and we all had pizza and chicken. We weren't so healthy. you know with all the candy and all. But yea it was fun cause tony even dress up as the devil. funny! any ways i hope you all had a good time and i am done eating candy, so good nite!

All hallow's eve

Usually this time of year is thought as sedentary. With the leaves falling, the air becoming cooler and the beginging of winter. Fall is a great time for harvest, of course trick or treating. With the carving of pumpkings, dressing up, and sharing the season of fall with friends and family. What does halloween really mean to me?
For me it's a time to celebrate the death of friends and family, we have lost along the way. According to the wiccan holiday "Sanhain" it is the night when the veil between the dead and the living is the thinest. Lighting candles with patchouli oil, placing them in jack o lanterns to lite the way for the dead. Celebrating with loved ones with some warm apple cider. It is the nite when the old god died, returning to the land of the dead while await the rebirth and yule. Also the time when the Crone goddess would go into mourning for her lost son, while leaving her people in darkness. It's a perfect time to get your divinitions done for the year and to make contact with the dead.
So that takes me to why this day is important and memorable for me. Exactly 5 years ago I lost a friend who was very lost. Tortured in his mind and soul and took his own life. It was a very devestating time for me. Feeling things I never thought were possible. Feelings of guilt, sadness and anger that I have never felt before in my life. It prompted me to be depressed have false judgment with other men and put my self in situations, I would otherwise not do. Over the years I have adjusted myself to knowing that I was definately in a grieving process and Ido not regret anything. Which has come to my vision of what he really was. How he was a talented artist. With his wonderful drawing and painting I had never seen in my life. His out there ways of how the world was going to end. I think back on it now and iImiss him. I miss how he made me laugh and feel. Just like a first crush.( okay so it was my first actualy relationshiop.) But, lately Ihave been thinking about him and it always makes me cry. So, this is why I decided to write about it. Because, he did hurt me in many ways, emotionally, physically, and every thing else in between. I try to forget it, i have definately forgiven him, but it still hurts. Maybe it's the pain of how he went out and I had to witness it. That sometimes I am visited by him in my dreams, it scares me to death, because that it the one reason I can't sleep or feel comfortable in totaly darkness. Afraid that i will see him. Is that crazy, I don't know, but that is one thing I can't let go of. So tonite, I am going to celebrate him for seeing all the good that he did bring me and what his death brought me. Then maybe I will be able to let go.
So tonight, and tomorrow, take a little time out to remember the loved ones you have lost, good or bad. Give thanks for your life and what theirs meant to you. But to also light the way for these souls, so they may find peace within them selves. And to put us all at peace on Sahmain. Greatest love peace and serenity to all. All hallow's eve!!!

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Excuse me, um... no thanks!!!

Is the world full of happy and angry people or chummy, always have to conversate to strangers people, and the others who really don't want to talk to strangers about stupid unrelated conversation? Well, i believe it's the latter. I am a happy go lucky person, but i also don't want to talk to people i don't know, about things that happend to them or whatever, when i am busy working or just shopping.I also think it's ridiculous to be called grumpy if you feel this way. I just don't think people should think of you as a bad or negative person, if you don't want to create small talk with every single person they know, it's friggen irritating. yea i do talk to people with they want to say hello or bless you, or excuse me, but to just talk about whatever when i don't give a crap. grrr. i think i want to just crawl back into my shell and trip people whenever they come around me. hahaha! but, seriously, does that make me a bad person? Should i totally revaluate my outlook on life, am i bitchy. well, whatever.

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MOVING?!

So i am feeling totally excited. tony and i might be moving, finally. back to anacortes! yea yea yea. we will be moving in with my friend christine into a 2 bedroom split level house, only 400 a month and 1/2 the utilities. so that will be awesome. and the bedroom we will have is like totally huge. we will have to share the bathroom with the shower and the kitchen is upstaris, but whatever. we also have a washer and dryer, cable, phone, internet, covered portch, a refrigerator down staris, and a room that i think i will make into a little living room, it will be sweet, also there is like 3 decks to groove on, when it's not raining,. and i will be living with chrissy. yea she has been doing really good at her job making like 1600 a month, getting her license back and her kids! very positive. her stupid boyfriend will be going away for a while, so i think this will be a great opportunity for us and her to get back on her feet and start over with her life, she needs it and so do we,. plus, it's only 5 minutes away from tony's work. but, i do need to get a job before we move in, so wish us luck,. because it will happen in a couple of months!

Snakes!!!

So here's a picture of us at the Iowa State Fair. My sister wanted to be in air conditioning and the snake exhibit was. It was cool in there! Lots of cool snakes to look at!!. Then at the end you could get your picture taken with a ten foot albino python. It was pretty cool, i think alicia was more freaked out,because she had the head, which is what my sistered wanted to be by, because she absolotely loves snakes. well, it was fun and always a good memory! Thanks girls!!!

Grand opening

i just got some terific news! they are opening up a torrid store at the northgate mall in seattle. yea i only have to go 1.5 hours to shop at like the coolest store, ever. so yea that' exciting, i think the opening day is today! so maybe tony will take me this weekend, probably not, he only has sun. off . well, i am going to go next weekend then! yea yea yea!!!

Hump Day news!!!

hello everyone! well, i have been home for over a week. i have had some really sweet jobs cleaning houses. one guy paid me 100 dollars to just sit and wait for the gas guy to come. i was only there for like 3 hours. then i cleaned a house and got some goods from that. so it hasn't been so bad. i have been cooking dinners and getting tony's lunches ready. i finally go to go on a much needed shopping trip with my friend christine. so all in all it's been good. tony and i got the truck fixed so i think i may have him convinced i should drive the toyota. well, i was just stopping by to say hello and to let everyone know things are great and will definately just keep getting better. hope everyone back there is okay and t.d, hope you have a great trip! hope to see you soon. make sure you guys take pictures of mary's wedding so i can see what i missed, since i had to be home so bad! hahaha anyways love you all!

Back into reality... it ain't so bad. well, ok it's good!!!

I will be pleased to let you know, that i am back and in action in the wonderful state of washington. It feels 20 degrees cooler, which i can tolerate!!! i have my bed, my dog, plants to attend to, places to go. it's all wonderful. My latest trip back home, has put a new face upon me. which i was hoping for. Something to ponder. well, i was hoping for it to put some persepctive back into my life. bring me up to pace with what i should be striving for, in my old age, neverless. so it did, i realized i need to do something for me, be able to contribute to this society properly and ultimately be able to fend for myself. no more relying on my partners to do it for me or my family or daddy. i need to do something for me. so i am going to push myself to sign up for school to become a nurse. to work for hospice and put out my ability to take care of people, very lovingly. because that is what i love to do, take care and let people rest assure that i can support them in the end of their lives. I also became more aquainted with my family while i was back and it was on a positve note, i might add. this leads me to want to be closer to them and to my faith. so another quest is to push myself to attend church, here. something my gama's would be very proud of! which is ultimately something i want them to see in me. to be proud of my accomplishments and see how a young lovely women can take care of herself properly. so when i have a family they can see it too, knowing i really have this in myself, is what disapoints me. all these years, with this goals and ideas and no where to put them. so i will no longer dote on what i should have done and just do it!
Also, i am back in the groove with my daily life of cooking, cleaning, taking care of the plants, the dog, running errands and just being me in my life. and to even make it better, tony doesn't bother me in the mornings to make him lunch, because he is being nice. so my stay back home has made me noticably worthy and needed but, i truly realized that i have a wonderful life with a lot of people who really do love me. also, i miss everyone and love you all so much! wish all of you lived closer!

well, this is what they call, relaxin...

So i am currently on my second week of being in iowa. i haven't really done much, but be sick. we went to the fair the first second day i was here, that was fun and way to humid! yuck. i have been in j town, boring. but i haven't really seen much of anybody, oh well. i just haven't been that exciting i guess. i am going back to j town tomorrow and will be there until a couple days before i leave. so i guess that is it! love you all and hope to see you soon in my neck of the woods. love ya!!!

The dog days of summer

Well it is over, the dog days of summer, anyways. you know i never completely knew what that meant. i mean the dog days of summer, is my dog hot, am i panting like a dog because it's so hot. what gives? well, low and behold, it has a ancient roman meaning behind it. So during the period of July 3-August 11, is officially the period of the"Dog days of Summer". When the "dog start" Sirius rises with the sun, they believed that the combination of the luminary of the day and the brightest star at nite, would cause the hottest and muggiest days of the year. Well, it does make sense, because they are usually the hottest days of the year and with the sun shinging in the day and the brightest star of the nite shining. So there you go folks, the officially meaning of the dog days of summer. No i can get on with what i came here for.
i will be in Iowa in like 2 days, and thank god i choose it to be after the dog days of summer. yea yea yea!!! so i hope to see everyone soon!!! To spend lots of time laughing and hugging and a few drinks in between, after, before, whatever. i am particularly happy i get to be there before t.d. leaves, that way we can get our picture taken together, and it be a time when all of "us" can be together. so positive on that one. so see you in 2 days. later!

it's final...

so i am totally officially coming back home to visit. i will be there august 16th - sept.3. a full 3 weeks, to bask in the greatness of the midwest. i cannot wait until i get there to see everyone. we are going to have so much fun! but, i hope everyone remembers that i do need to spend time with my family. so i will be residing a lot in jefferson. but with these 3 weeks, i can definately see everyone, without my gama freaking out. oh and yea the kell bell will be there. i don't know if i can handle her for that long. it will be a test to see how long we can go without fighting! so i hope someone can tell mary that i am there! alicia and i have to do our ritual of swiming and paddle boating, and not j.p. is not riding with us because i know he will do something freaky. what a blah. anyways, i can't wait for the martini bar, slumber parties at kristens and ah the almight fried pork sandwich. mmmmm. oh and the iowa stae fair, oh yea the butter cow. so i am taking like a million pictures and i can't wait to centralize and feel free and spend it with all of my favorite chickies. so see ya'll in two weeks. love you!!

Life isn't always fair... ya know!!!

So i would like to share that i have really awesome news and some not so good news. The good news is that i had a job interview for the hospital today. it's for the housekeeping dept.(which i have a ton of experience in) it starts at like 12 dollars and hour, union, and well, it's a job. which i have technically been out of work for like 8 months this year. I don't find out until tomorrow if i actually have the job or not. it starts as on-call reserve, which sucks, i thought it was a full-time job. but it's a step in the door, since most places hire with-in. So it's a great opportunity. if i do not get this job, i will be coming to iowa. But it i get it, well i will have to wait. i know i want to come visit so bad and see everyone. But i guess everything happens for a reason. and well you know all the rest, but i have to remember, that i need to take care of what i need to move out, pay bills off, and be a partner to tony. Those are my main priorities. i have to remind my self of this sometimes, because half of me wants to refuse it, come visit for 3 weeks and say what the hell, i have waited this long, why not wait any longer, that's how much i miss everyone, but the other half has to know how much i love my life with tony( more so when we have a place of our own. So i am going to be responsible, and i hope everyone will send the best energies my way, to guide me in this difficult time. cause damn, i wanna get the hell our of here and see my girls. like so bad. but, till i find out, you never know. just pray that whever i decided is what is best for me. thanks and i hope you girls understand. and i also know, that something always silly happens when i make plans, and i totally like had everyone's hopes up, i didn't intentionally do this, i hope you all know.but, i will also be really happy if i get this job, which means i will have all of my own money, and can save up and be myself, again. ok love everyone so much.

Who i may be...

Erin Rae Cadden's Aliases

Your movie star name: Nuts Keith Your fashion designer name is Erin Berlin Your socialite name is Eggnog Athens Your fly girl / guy name is E Cad Your detective name is Dog Jefferson Scranton High Your barfly name is Cookie Cosmopolitan Your soap opera name is Rae Wilson Your rock star name is Gummi Worms Car Your Star Wars name is Eribru Cadton Your punk rock band name is The Silly Orange

The Amazing Meganame Generator

My very awesome day!!!

So yesterday was such a cool day for me. I would have to say it was the best day i have had in a while. It started with me going to my 2nd day of water aerobics. My friend sabrina gave me a 7 day pass to try with her. then next week i think i will be getting a membership. Well, it made me feel so good. I don't think i have felt that good physically, mentally and emotionally, in quite some time! So i am totally hooked, i got a new swimsuit, which was the hard part, but it's good. i have a little swim skirt that covers my goodies up and i don't feel so self conscious. Except for the first day in which i woke up late and didn't get a very good towle. so when it came time for me to shower after swimming, it didn't even cover my butt. Imagin drying your swimsuit in the spin dryer in a locker room with your butt hanging out. All these other people and well, it wasn't so bad, but the next day i brought a bigger towel!
So to continue with the rest of the good day. I got home and helped tony hook up the boat to our new car. Got some snacks and drinks ready. and we were off to go fishing up at baker lake. It was so beautiful out, the sun was shining down on the green water. it is the lake that is connected to the baker river, which is water that is run off from the glacier. so it is actaully really, really cold, but this totally amazing green frosty hue. I just totally love it up there with all the trees and the incredible views of the mountains and glaciers. incredibly awesome! So we didn't really catch any fish or really try that hard. Just a lot of cruisingh around on the boat and finding our that people were watching us from the shore when we were you know what. anyways, it was fun. We even took the dog with us. He actually has to wear a life jacket because he has a tendency to jump into the water, when he thinks we have caught a fish. So it was really funny to see. Then after we got done doing that we drove home, washed the car, and proceeded to get into a water fight, which tony got really upset about, beause i totally caught hime off guard and i totally understand why. because when he got me it was really fucken cold. So after we got all cleaned up and organized, we continued our trip. We drove over to my dad's to hang out for a while.i played with the kitties and the dog, which is so fun. Then we continued to the drive-in again! We got to see The Simpson's movie and transforms. It was so awesome! Green day played and they died. i guess that one is for alicia, and tony and i both looked and each other when they were on their and said omg, alicia has to see this movie. hahahha. So it was so much fun, eating popcorn out of the back of our suv, watching movie, having the dog there and just relaxing. I fell asleep about 30 minutes in to the second movie. But it was ok. Except for not getting done til 2:30 in the morning and having to drive 40 minutes back home. Even the dog was totally pooped out. So it was a great day, because i got to spend it with my 2 favorite guys, tony and my dog bruce. BEcause life really is great when you get to have great little moments with the people you love. yea

I AM COMING BACK

I am really excited about coming back to iowa and seeing everyone. i didn't really even think about coming with my sister until k.t. asked why shouldn't i come back. well, duh if my gama is helping my sis, shouldn't she help me, too? well, i did talk to her and she really wants to see both of us, considering she is getting old and all. Whatever, i get to come back, yea. and get to spend a little more time with people! And she isn't old, she is just using that as an excuse so she can see my sister and i together at the same time. which is all good! So be prepared because the almighty Erin is coming to town. hahaha.

Ladies and gentlemen... here comes...

You Are Gwen Stefani!

All guys dream about you And all the girls want to be you "Sappy pathetic little me That was the girl I used to be"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirers And no wonder: you live life to the fullest! When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier place But occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

What Goddess Are You?

Your Punk Band Name Is...

The Silly Pinking Shears

What's Your Punk Band Name?

Your Outrageous Name is:

Candy Yass

Outrageous Name Generator

My past life... as i could only be.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Brave Belly Dancer. Where You Lived: Peru. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

My soul...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Happy 50th MOM

So yester day July 13, would have been my mother's 50th birthday, she was actually born on friday the 13th,in 1957. I know i would have gotten her a dinosaur toy, because my sister and i always teased her that she was as old as dinosaurs. hehehe. I also probably would have made a point to spend it with her, but who knows where she would be, but i would have like to been there with her.To make fun of how she was over the hill and give her balloons, and some flowers. I would definately make a cake. I wish she were here to experience it! Also i just wish she could be here to meet tony, seen my sister graduate, and just help me when things are retarded. But i hope she is okay wherever she is now! i know my grandma is having a hard time with this, she always focuses on dates and stuff like that. So i was suppossed to call her yesterday and i forgot. she is gonna be pissed, oh well when i get done, i am going to call her and see how she is doing! i know my mom would have loved to expereince her 50th, cause we would have done so much for her. i just love her and always will. So happy 50th mom, i love you. oh and ha i am only 26. hehehe

Time to start...end the madness

There was a time in my life, when i thought i could change the world. Where i really thought i was getting right and together. Then things happened, bad things, where i didn't think i was going to make it. It was just coming at me full force. I didn't snap, but i think i lost myself in it all. Now as i am trying to build a future with a person i love so much. i am perplexed as to where i fit in? Am i just there to be, a do-it girl, love me girl, kiss me girl, oh i love you and that's all that matters girl. No i don't want to be that girl. i am strong, intelligent, worthy, caring, sensitive, empathtic(maybe more than i need to be), funny, courageous, loving, happy, emotional, creative, gosh there is so much that i have that needs to be out there. i am not saying he doesn't see those things, i just think that the people around us, don't notice. People seem to do that a lot, don't notice me, what my purpose is as a whole human being. Do i even know, probably not to the fullest extent. but, i am powerful, i feel, i share, i listen. So why is it that i am totally taken for granted, graced over by glances, and the oh erin will just do it. Because i do it to myself, i want that, i make it. Because to me it's just easier, simpler, comfortable. Well, being comfortable means that you aren't taken any chances and you are just not living life to the fullest. i truly believe that. it will take all that i have to stand up say no, i am all of this and i will be the best i know and much more. i can make this work, i can have that happy life with that person and let us be who we are without any scuitany. Even if it takes everything to move on. The easy way would be to leave, go back where i came from and just be that Erin. That is to easy and hard at the same time, but it is an option. i want to be the bold and courageous, strong and knowing person i see myself as. No more backing down, taking crap and letting people walk all over me. That is my step to be a positve loving human being. But if it means not letting everyone in,. well so be it.. i don't know that i mean by that . i will just have to see what happens, after all i am only human.

CAMPING

Today is going to be a scorcher here, tomorrow is suppossed to be the hottest day of the year here. like all the way to 95. ew, i dislike how being sticky makes me feel. but it's okay, i just might go to the beach. anyways, i am heading down to olympia this weekend, to go camping. it will be so much fun! We are following tony's parents down, they got a new motorhome. We are going to tent it, though. We are going quad riding, i haven't been, since last year, so i don't know how my back is going to react to that. we'll see... We are only staying until sunday, and his parents are coming back on wednesday. I can't wait, we get out fo the valley and somewhere new. i am bringing lots of vodka!!! i think my sister is going to go to. i will take lots of pictures and post them when i get back. love you all!

My color psyche

Your Psyche is Violet

You are spiritual, intuitive, and serene. People trust you to rescue them from bad situations, and you usually come through. While you are quite enlightened, you find that your path is very lonely. When you are too violet: you can't connect to ordinary life or ordinary people When you don't have enough violet: you lack wisdom and can't learn from the past

What Color Is Your Psyche?

Well, that's how it goes.

So i am just putting in some words, because really i don't have much to say. it's amazing when things are just how they are, no controversy, no nothing. it's hot here and i don't like that much. except for that i am wearing a really cute skirt today with the cool necklace that alicia got me for christmas. i took tony's aunt to the physical therapist and bought myself coffee for the first time in a while. looking for a job still, worry about money. oh and my sister is spending the night, we are going up north for the 4th. to quad ride, eat, drink, set off fireworks, we are staying over nite in the r.v. i don't know, it's gonna be hot, so i am whining about that. but i guess i will have more to talk about when tomorrow is over. so to all of you HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

Drive-in

Friday night would have to be the funest time i have had in a while. just with tony and myself. We went to whidbey island to one of the remaining 8 drive-in's in the state of Washington. it was so much fun. We saw Shrek 3 and Rise of the silver surfer. We took some treats but, we had to totally go the the concession stand and get nachos and a super duper large soda. we're funny. It didn't start till dark which was like at 10, then they showed a tom and jerry cartoon, along with some funny 50's style advertisement for the venue. It also had a arcade shed, go-cart track and the bathroom were decent and clean. It only cost 12 for the two of us and on saturday's they have a double feature. It was just so neat to have a date nite. We sat and ate our munchies, enjoyed the movie, and whether tony wants to admit it, he liked shrek, too. We didn't get out fo there until like 1:30 in the morning, which got us home around 2:00. Long nite, but it was definately worth it! We are really looking forward to going again this weekend, it's Transformers and well, tony has to go. So as we partake in our adolescence, it defiantely makes us humble and totally being romantic, cause you know it's dark and well ya know. So i hope everyone gets the chance to participate in a drive-in the future, because it's so much fun.

First day of summer

i don't know what exactly i am going to do today. it is pretty windy here and well, the sun isn't looking too happy. but, besides that maybe i will go to the beach just to celebrate? This weekend is suppossed to be nice and we are having Berry dairy days here in Burlington. so just a short trek to get the famous strawberry shortcakes and a little look into the history of this area. it's great we have so many local farms, that i don't even have to go to the store to get produce , if i don't want to. so for all go celebrate, this lovely day, whatever the weather permits to you! CHEERS

Bruce

This is bruce with no hair on his butt, or as it is called "The lion cut" i think he is getting better adjusted to it. and you know, it really is cute, but it does look like someone put him through a chopper compared to what he used to look like.

In the track of time...

So... i don't know where to begin. I have decided that i am no longer who i was perceiving my self to be. you see all long i thought i was the one person who could make it ok. well, today after having a conversation with a good friend of mine, i realized that even i cannot control how people are ultimately going to react to certain situations. this really does sadden me. It's not in a bad way, just that i worrry so about everyone else being okay with everything. that i didn't realize that their are underlying issues that i really don't know that much about. I always think that everyone has to be super friends with each other all the time. when, really we should give and take a little with everyone, that others deserve attention more than given and we can't all be there 100% all the time. because this would take away the special bond we have with each and every person we encounter. sometimes i talk to one person for an extended period of time and them move on to another. putting in more when i deam it necessary, not just for the person but for myself as well. so this puts me back as to why i am saddened. perhaps for the loss of what i thoght was a truly special group of girls. not that we are not friends are anything like that, but how we all reacted to it. and how fast people are to look to the worst when it comes to not truly understanding each other. even i did it, that is why i am sad. i miss not being back with everyone, but i don't belong there. i am here with my life and others friends and family. i love all my friends and that will never change. but, i really like how i have become and evolved and it will be ever changing, but i want to improve each and one of my friendships and make them even better. because for me having someone i have know for so long makes it even sweeter. so in like the years to come when we sit down we will all take in so much of what we accomplished it will be like we never left. you know when we open that coffee shop. so i guess what i am trying to say, is that are underlying bullshit will never go away. it's just how we really do react to it, that makes the situation what it is. and i hope what happend this time is a prime example for all of us and it makes us better friends for opening up gates that have been locked for so long. i wish it didn't have to be such hard words, but sometimes that is needed for people to actually pay attention. so thank you all for being my friends and putting in your 2 cents, because that is really all i wanted accomplished. and remember the phone is only a button away. and when you feel like getting a point across. dont' hesitate to call that person. because it truly makes the difference. and also understand that each of us have a special little bond to everyone. and we may tell others more that what you expect, but some people need that. i know i do, but if we could sit down for a couple hours examine it in our head before telling someone, it won't get out of hand. so i guess all in all, what you say does effect everyone. because we are all connected in this world. so when you get the bag. remember what we are for each other. because we all need a little saving once in a while.( if you have found this information to be a bunch a crap, please don't hesitate to let me know, because i kind of lost track of what i was trying to say) i guess that's what it's for. i love you all!!!

WHAT?

ok... i am fed up with people being hypocritical. we all need to work on being open with each other. if someone has a problem with what i am about to say, they you know what. too bad, these are my feelings of some issues i believe need to be surfaced. first of all i am tired of people talking behind other people's backs. it's bullshit. and i am tired of people stressing our about stupid shit, when they don't even have the facts straight. i hate being in the middle of shit. but i also have a tendency to want to make things straight and okay with everyone. so forgive me if i happen to step on anyone's toes. because it is my belief that we should all be allowed to state how we feel even if it is negative. we have to learn how to make it better. but god damn it sometimes i am just pissy and i want to be. and so everyone else can be how they want to be. so to everyone who deletes comments out of anger just to prove a point, is ridiculous and to everyone who is upset about comments and doesn't do anything to solve but, bitch. that is ridiculous. you talk about it with me i then form an opinion. so there it is bullshit. if you are so righteous and want all energies and whatever to be along, then use the positivity to mend the issues, not make them worse and run away from them. i just truly want all of us to be there for each other, but we all need to make the effort. i am just not standing up for one person or falling into someone's trap. i am standing up for what i believe to be the best. if you can't see that then i am sorry. but some people just need to be told that enuff is enuff and go talk things our and make it better. i am pissed off that i am so far away. i want this to be better. but i guess someone out there will say to me. well, it's really not my business. but you know what i have made it my business. that's what i do i fix things, if you all don't like it . then you can kiss my ass. it pisses me off beyond belief that some act like we are in high school. get the truth before you react, please! and yea this isn't a nice blog and it is gonna piss someone off, but i have been waiting for so long, for things to just be ok. like how hard is that. realize that we are all different and will not conform to everything you want us to. just accept them for who they are and stand by them and show them in suggestive way to be more open and accepting. pushing your way on others is not the thing, trust me. so i hope this will open something up and get something solves. if not well i said my shit and that 's that. good nite.! and just because i said these things, doesn't mean i don't love everyone, it is just upsetting. so there take that positivity and shove it up your ass.

Last Day:(...

So this is the last day my grama is here. she is leaving for sacremento tomorrow morning. i had so much fun with her. i sure am tired, though. i bet she is and she doesn't want to hurt our feelings. that's ok because we were so busy! we had dinner at the corner tavern today and i think she really enjoyed it! We also took a drive up on Chuckanut Drive. such beautiful views.

Sunday Drive

This is were it was snowy. My sister found me a bathroom, we ran like a mile into the picnic area, because i had to potty so bad! And i was wearing clogs, no socks and capri pans, man it was cold! We found a potty and i to go down a snow bank just to get down into the b.r. But, it was definately worth it! Then we trecked back through the snow and my sister traded shoes with me. but, she fell and got her foot stuck in the snow. it was so funny, but it sucked because she couldn't feel her toes. anyways, she saved my life, so i guess she is a good sister. and she even picked out bbq honey fritos for me earlier in the day, which i haven't had in forever but, i love, so i guess that is what led me to my potty experience. Thanks kelly!

We saw some really cool views of the area. The water is so beautiful, because it runs down from the glaciers. It looks green and absolutely enchanting.My dad and i are being peaceful, but he's looking like i am crazy. hehehe

So this is the beging of the adventure that i had with my grandma june, dad and sister on our sunday drive.It was quite interesting with my sister getting really close to the edge to take certain pictures, hence the once below. We followed the Cascade loop up to Rainy pass and turned around a good 5 hour drive, in all. We were all tired, but we got to have a good time, remember the good old days, especially about the stories of my dad when he was little. My dad is my grandma's first born, so you know, it's so cute! Kelly and i rarely aruged and she actually saved my life.

My dad drove the whole time, which was kind of scary with his peanut eating habit!. No he did good, some of the turns in the mountains were scary, but we really did survive!

Graduation

So this is it! my sister was like totally crying and my face looks fat and ugly. i know you all will say it doesn't but it does. anyways, it was so exciting to watch my sister walk across the stage. my dad totally yelled and whistled it was so funny. the ceremony was like forever long and boring. but seeing kelly up there was so awesome i love her and her accomplishments! we went to mc donald's afterwards, because she had a headache and just wanted it! so she got it and i had a really good ice cream cone and chicken nuggets. she really was nervous and thought she would throw up. it was all good and she made it, that silly girl. wish you all could have been here!

Love is in the family

well, this week has been very exciting! My grandma june( dad's mom) got in yesterday! yea it is so awesome to see her and have her here for like a week! we went down and got her from the airport and i just love her. she is such a beautiful person, everything i aspire to be. with her kindness genuine love of people and her faith in god. i talked to her about my alternative ways of healing, like the meditation and energy healing, and she said to me, you know i really believe in that, and for you to take a hold of that just confirms god's love for you. it's amazing to have someone who has been throught more that i could ever imagine and still be strong and have faith. i definately look up to her,more that she would ever realize. so i got to spend the after noon with her and my sister. we helped her get a rental car, went shopping and out to lunch. and then back to her hotel room, to just hang out.. that was her favorite part. she told me and kelly that we really do have a special love between us, so of course ,kelly and i said we hated each other and my grandma said no way, it's sisterly love. gosh, she is always on the mark. maybe my sister will realize someday.
Also, my sister graduates tomorrow. it's so exciting. i know that i am just going to totally cry. i am also prepared for a million pictures. i will post them next week. can you believe it smelly kelly 18, graduated from high school, and boobies. then she wants me to go to canada with her when she's nineteen,, i can't wait for that one. oh and serialstar, she wants you to go too, and she wants us to go to the harry potter amusement park, when it opens, so keep your calender open for that one, ok? remember when we were all graduating. it's just unbelieveable! so we are taking her to olive garden for dinner tonite! yea i wish you all could be here, because i am so gonna cry, i want to cry right now. ok i will stop. anyways, it will be a fun time this week. going whale watching, to the san juan islands, shopping, sight seeing. this is the best. having all the people you love around. there's absolutely nothing better than that! love you girls!!!

Success is in the beholder...

So i have come to the conclusion that i have been just flowing about in this world. i haven't really conducted any progress in the sense of myself. i have just been getting by. it needs to end now. so i am totally put in 100% towards getting my real estate liscence. it will be awesome and i will do very well at it! i told my grama june about it and she was so wonderful. she reminded me of how i will do well because i am a good person, i care about people and that i am genuinely honest and look towards the good in all. gee, i forgetten that. but, i am not going to do that to myself, anymore! i will succeed. see i will be starting out as an assistant after i get all of my testing and trainging out of the way. i just hope that it won't cause conflict between me and a certain person. you know i will assisting tony's mom and she can be demanding and very certain of her ways. which is not a bad thing, just i have a hard time adjusting to something i don't know much about and for someone who is all knowing... well, it could be difficult. but, i will work through it and it will make me that much stronger! i want my life to be my own. not a making of under someone else's lifestyle. i want tony and i to have our own house and a car that runs good and monies so we can do our own adventures. so actually there is a lot of pressure for me, but it is good. it pushes me to be the best of who i am and will be. so this is the beging, i hope, for a wonderful future and hopefully tony might pop a question i have been waiting for like forever. i just have to get rid of something. so much damn stupid baggage i have accumulated. i would like new baggage perhaps some louis vitton. you know the good stuff. anyways, i will end this ranting and do something productive like maybe put my bra back on. god, my tits hurt! they feel like damb boulders hanging off of me. i don't want them anymore, or at least for now. but i guess i am stuck with them. tis life. love to you all!!!

Awakenings

So I need to talk about what happened to tony and i on saturday. we were coming back from the grocery store on the way to my dad's, when we witnessed something very traumatic. we were like 4 or 5 cars behind in line, when a black suv, didn't yield, and a mini van got hit. the suv, fell right on it's side. And i saw the whole thing and screamed oh my god, tony. We immediately pulled over and got out. i started running to see if anyone needed help and tony called 911. There were so many people at the scene that i just stayed back a little. It was amazing to see people just pull over and help this family, they all got out the back and safe, no one was terribly hurt, just scared and the lady in the minivan, i think she was hurt even more. It was amazing to see all the help and concern. The angels were definately watching over them. I just felt so sad wand worried and just wanted to cry for their sake, i realized then, that i am so emotional. Even when it comes to watching t.v. i cry when happy, sad, upset or even when others cry and it happens more and more. But at least tony and i were safe and the others involved were. It was just a shock to see that, ya know. it reminded me that we need to slow down, a little bit more and pay attention!.
Also, i may be getting my real estate license. tony's mom asked if i would be interested and i could help her and be her assistant. Wouldn't that be cool! i think it would so i am going to go for it, why not. i would be helping her with listings, research on the computer and running around and stuff and getting to know the ropes for selling houses, from the best. yea i think this might be actually cool.! so wish me luck on this one. It really is amazing how many options i have been given, i just need to go for one, and give it my all!

it's in

I have officially sent in my chickeny shroom pattie recipe into food network. if i win i get to go to new york and present the recipe on the food network and a chance at 10,000 dollars. i almost had an axiety attack when i pushed the button to send it in. so wish me luck, it's just so exciting to share with the outside world something i created. This time i hope it gets recognized, even a it sounds like a good recipe would be great! yea wish me luck.oh and if you are in for a challenge i have a new blog up http://h2ointake@blogspot.com, it's good for your health!

Goodness

Well, i made the chicken dish i wrote. Some changes definately had to be made. First of all since when does fungus need to cost 7.99 a pound, that's how much the portabella's were. Insane, so i bought button mushrooms. 3 lbs. sliced for bucks. it worked out. i decided to fry the patties, since i made them really flat and i covered them in a little sprinkle of dry bread crumbs and parma cheese. They turned out so good, i also used all fresh herbs, that definately made a big difference. so i sauted the mushrooms with herb olive oil and fresh thyme. The sauce came out good, too! Everyone loved it! So i took pictures and i think i am going to send the pictures in to food network, because they are having a contest for the best recipe and i think you win money and a chance to be on t.v and show how to do your recipe. how cool would that be!
Anyways, i think i am gonna suck it up and apply to be a bank teller. it will be good money and good benefits and i guess if i move i could do the same thing down there. and if i don't them well i have a good job here. so i guess i will some how decide that soon? i know i am being very unaware of the good opportunity. i just don't see myself doing that, ya know. and now @#$# thinks i should be able to go to work like now, but i really need to heal a little longer, or i will wind up where i was before. So we will see. i just need to buckle down and know that i deserve to have everything that i want and have the best job that i can do. that's all there is to it. so why do i keep telling myself that i can't do it. i know , i just don't want to. i want to be the poor victim. well, it's going to stop. i am tired of being the victim of myself. it's stupid. and i will. i will do good and spread the goodness all around. it will be what it is. love much and forever peace!!!

Where did it go?

As i was sitting outside and happy that it had stopped raining. It was beautiful yesterday and well now it's icky. I realized something. I didn't feel any pain. Not in my leg, my back, my butt, or even leg. I haven't hurt all day. Too busy doing other things. I even drove down to get a coffee. I do feel sore in my neck and shoulders, that's because I have been sitting up and down all day, and not doing my usual of by this time lying down to relax. I even made up a new healthy recipe!

Chicken porta sandwiches

1-2 lbs. ground chicken meat
1 sm. onion or shallot-finely chopped
1 garlic clove-finely chopped
1 tsp. dried thyme
1tsp. dried parsley
1 egg
salt and pepper to taste
Mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Roll into small balls and flatten thinly as you would a hamburger. You want them sort of small and flat so you can have more than one.
4- portabella mushrooms
Clean these and toss them with olive oil, salt and pepper.
Grill the mushrooms and the chicken patties.
When they are done cooking. Stack 2 chicken patties atop one of the portabella mushroom tops. Cover with this dressing:
1/2 c. mayo
1/4 c. red wine vinegar( or any vinegar you like)
Fresh parsely and thyme and parsely ( dry if you that is what you have)
Salt and pepper to taste.
I would usally serve this with a salad of cucumbers, tomatoes, and red onions. These ingredietns can be covered in olive oil and salt and pepper and even the fresh herbs from the other dish. Yummy and healthy.
I know some people think oil is fattening. But it is like the best oil for you that has good flavor. Because it kind of binds the flavors together, that i really enjoy. I haven't tried this yet, but tomorrow i will. So let's hope it turns out good!

ITS ON

So i am officially sending the bag off today. it's so cool. this one is a dark grey with a tribal celtic heart on it, all the bags have different designs for each color. it's still groovy. so i hope you girls enjoy this and we need to set up a group blog for this that way we can comment in one blog! kudo for kelly on that one! i put some neat stuff in there so feel free to do whatever and i put some pieces of jewelry so maybe somebody could make necklace or put it on the bag, whatever have fun with it! and again we are keeping the bag for up to 2 weeks, that way we all get it sooner, so we can check it out! yea sisterhood of the traveling bag, it's on!

There's a little bit...

There's always a little bit of bad in me. i mean i find it so hard to get it out of my head sometimes. Like does this person really care about me. do they think that i am a bad person because i don't work. am i wrong for being unhealthy. am i going crazy with these. sometimes i am. but you know i overcome them by telling my self that no. this is wrong. i a, a beautiful wonderful person. that i will be healthy and healed. that no one can ever make me feel inferior from what they say. it is i who makes my reality . so it is ultimately up to me to make the changes. it is hard. i have to say. to be disciplined enuff. to be happy. you have to make it ok. make it healthy, make it better, because in the end, what do you have here in human form. only the wonderful things you did. i am weeding out the guilt and regret from my life and knowing that the past is just what it is, and what i do. learning to get rid of procrastination, is the probably the most negative thing i have in my life. so i am just blabing about thoughts, randomly. just needed to get out what i am doing to better my life and hoping that others see that no matter what you can only make it better! i believe those are the words my mother told me. i still remember them, i think i was about when she told me that, she promised to stop drinking. she didn't, but i forgive her. she didn't mean to hurt me and i know that. she was only doing what she thought was right. so i give her so much credit for living as long as she did with her disease. and in the end, it's really ok. because love prevails.

Oregon

so.. tony and I will be moving to springfield/eugene oregon when the bid goes throught for wayerhouser. i am so excited about this. That meaning we will have our own place and everything. it's like the thing we have been waiting for. A chance to do this life on our own. without rents and the nonsense. i am so happy for him,, because he will get a company truck and double his wages that he has now! they also pay for our moving expenses! We really don't have that much to move, but that's ok. i just can't wait to be in a new place and be free again. change is always good, especially when you start looking at things in a new way. this healing process that i am going throught has really done that for me. i am keeping my anger and fit to a minimum. Which does sounds kind of odd, by being more positive i don't have a need to freak out anymore. realizing what i stress about, which isn't really there, i put it there myself. leads me to realize what i need to do for myself. And that is to become that best that i can be. isn't that an add for like the military or something. pooey. anyways, tony didn't want me to tell a lot of people in case the bid didn't go through. but, i know it will because this is what we are suppossed to do. So i am telling people about it because i am so damn excited! to meet new people do new thing and have a place for ourselves. yea yea yea. so wish us luck and little prayer, please!

traveling bag is on.

Today as i was going into the old bookstore that i used to go to in anacortes. i found the ultimate bag. it is green 100% cotton, which a flap that that has the celtic tree of life on it. it has an adjustable strap with metal gromets and it attaches with metal closure thingy's . it also has a pocket it on the back that velcros. it is the coolest bag in the world. i am having a hard time parting with it. but, i am not parting i am sharing because it's our bag. so i will send it off this week cause i gotta break it in this weekend. so watch out for it. i am sending to.. .... suprise i am not telling. so for the first time around we all get it for no more that 2 weeks, that ways we can expericene it all in each sooner. k maybe a week, i would like that, but it's up to you guys, if you need to request longer, just post or ya know let us know. but this way others don't have to wait for like ever to have it. sso it is as was. lovve you grrrlz

quarter moon

Congratulations! this is for me. i am standing straight. i feel great. i woke up at four a.m. to the quarter moon glaring in at me. it was at this time that i new beautiful things were on the horizon. so therefor i got up off the floor where i had been sleeping soundly for about 4 hours. i had no pain down my leg. it wasn't till i was washing my face, that my spine was so sore. like it had been pushed down in the muscles in my back. i thought, this can't be good. so i went out side for the infamous cancer stick. and . it didn't hurt to sit , no tingly no stabbing pain in my ass, literally. so i got up and my back was the straightest it has been in like a month. i couldn't believe it! so i laid back down, afraid that if i didn't go back to my comfy position that i would loose this, again. but no i am still straight, not perfectly, but i am healing. it's a blessing, truly to stand tall and almost feel skinny. so here i am proud of the progress of working with my energies going to the chiropractor and using my exercise ball, which i was recommened to lean as far back as possible to let all the blood rush to my head. this results in allowing the fluid in your spind to seap back to where it belongs. if i had 300 dollars i could by and inversion table, but the blue ball works ok. and i would like to thank all off my girls for supporting my through this. Tasha for sending my good energy, i love you. kelly for listening to me rant about it all and just listening, alicia for supporting my my everyday rants and my new found way of life, kristen, just for being the sister i love all the time and for making sure i was ok. you girls are everything to me and without your power of friendship and love i don't think i would have make this venture in life as wonderful as it has been. i am also going to thank tony for being like the best man i will ever know. he even thinks i am sexy and beautiful when i am hunched over, no makeup in the same pj's and he tells me everyday . i am blessed with wonderful people. now i continue my healing and bring it back so i can make my life even better, and maybe pay some bills off. so love you and may the love prevail!!!

Progression starts with endings

I had the most relieving experience at the chirpopractic office yesterday. My doctor has been practicing energy healing with my back and it is totally working. As she was pushing up my spine i could feel it down my left leg. i know the physical aspect of why it happend. because everything is eternally connected, but i could feel some of the energy leaving my body! i am progressively getting better. Even though i am still hunched over and my muscles are still tight, i know i can do this. i am still knowing of my positivity, and i practice on focusing when i go to sleep at nite. i just have so many struggles inside that i am subconsiously not thinking of. i need to get rid of the excessive past baggage that i am currently dragging around. I hope that with my keeping up on this will coincide with my healing process. may it all be well!

Self healing

I have been progressively getting better. The way that i look at my situation right now is very good. i can feel that i get better every day. Even if i feel sore and tired and my leg hurts, i am getting better. i am only waking up once in the night with pain in my left leg and the numbness in my toes is going away. which are all definately good signs, that i am improving.
i have come to the realization that i need to change my habits as a person. which means getting healthy, loosing weight and strengthening my muscles and my mind. Which i currently am doing. i bought a exercise ball yesterday and i would have to say that is one good work out. it really stretches my muscles in back. from being hunched completely over for a week my muscles really do a beating. it is like i have to retrain my self to stand correctly and have good posture. which when i have been standing for over 10 min i am so sore and tired. but that too will change and i will not only be myself again, but a better me. someone who doesn't put things off till the last minute, takes charge of her life and makes sure that mind body and soul are all in sync. i want my true self to take charge again. i need this to survive. because when you are unable to perform the simple tasks you have all your life you see it differently. i definately will never take for granted the job of just being human. and that is to do good to all so i may remain wholesome . i know i do sound different, but i am not. i am trying to heal my self in the most natural way. there is a lot of information out their on the natural healing properties of the body. and my chiropractor is working with energies with in my body to help get rid of the negative energies trapped in my body. it's amazing what the world has to offer you, if you only reach out for it and also give it to others. so wish me luck, a prayer, or anything you want. because i would do the same for you. love

Meditations from Conversations with God.

PERSONAL EVOLUTION

The soul is very clear that its purpose is evolution. it is not concerned withe the achievementsof the body or the development of the mind. these are all meaningless to the soul.
The soul is also cery clear that ther is not great tradgedy involved in leaving the body. In many ways the tradgedy is being in the body.
ON POSSESSIONS
There is nothing i have to hve, ther's nothing i have to do, and there is nothing i have to be, except exactly what i'm being right now.
ON THERE BEING NO SEPARATION
Act as if you were sepreate from nothing, and no one, and you will heal your world tomorrow. This is the greatest secret of all time.
ON ANGER
Anger is a natural emotion, it is the tool you have which allows you to say," no thank you". it doen't have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another.
ON COMING TO TERMS WITH YOUR SELF
There comes a time in the evolution of every soul when the chief concern is no longer the survival of the physical body, but the growth of the spirit, no longer the attainment of the worldly success, but the realization of SELF.
ON TRUTH
Feeling are neither negative nor destructive. They are simply truths. How you express your truth is what matters.

These are some quote from the book which is the title of this. It is written by Neale Donald Walsch, which these are his actualy meditative talks withe our father. They are neither religious or selective, just holy and righteous. Believe and thyself and you will prevail....

I am healed

So i have discovered that i need to find a new resource to take away the pain that i have endured. And that i no longer want to rely on chemicals added to my body to make the pain subsided. so with the help of someone special i can do this. i would have to thank tasha for enlightening me on the things that i have leg go of for so many years.. positivity in yourthinking is definately what makes things happen. so if you read this tasha, thank you. you have open my mind to something that is truly magnificent. something that i knew all along and it came back to me at just the right time. i do control myself and everything that happens to it. i have to say in the few days i received your package, the positve thinking that i am better and that i am healthy has helped tremendously. i have helped my self to control the pain, stop my panic attacks and realize that i am on the right path to becoming my true self. i also went to see my chiropractor today and i told her all about this. and low and behold she believes in it too!. she studies something along the lines of miracles, not sure what the book was, called, but that the true miracle is knowing that you control everything about yourself, including diseases, misforutnes,etc. so i am really blessed to have her, because she did some new healing treatments now that she is comfortable with what i know, and i am also blessed to have such wonderful friends to help me in this time. so i am healthy and i am better and i will prevail throught this. And i do love myself, so thank you for the insight. and kelly i can't wait for the tape,,too!

I must prevail...

So i have come to the conclusion that i have taken total advantage and misunderstanding of my body. Don't know where i went wrong, but i am totally paying the price now.. i had another trip to the e.r and let me tell you it was such excruciating pain, that i wish i could just sleep forever. i didn't have to wait as long and that shot we with a painkiller and valium this time.. it really helped the pain stopped for about 4 hours and i spend the whole nite up and down with 4 hours of sleep, which didn't happen in one lapse. i am now going to a different doctor so they can look everything over and hopefully get an mri, to see if i do have an actually herniated disca and what is going on. because if i do i may need surgery. can you believe that me at 26 possible candidate for back surgery. so my goals are definately to loose weight, going to the chiropractor and massage, possibly physical therapy. tony and i are signing up at the gym and when i can sit correctly without shooting pain up and down my leg and am going to try yoga. it;s just that my hips are being pushed out of place from my muscles being so tense. so i can stretch and have massages right now, without screaming at the top of my lungs, because it hurts so bad. i just hope i can get better, because i just want to move on with my life, you know get a job, move out of here and tony and i to just be. he really is the best thing in my life, he does everything for me because i can barely walk for more than 5 min, even bein on my feet for that long is so painful. i am very blessed to have him, because if i didn't well i know i wouldn't be as happy. so i hope everyone else is good, just wanted to let you know i am trying to get better. and i am still searching for that purse, sorry for the hold up. can't wait i know. i promise soon! happy day.