Let's knock them walls down...

With new ideas comes new paths to follow. With new paths comes new changes. New changes brings new compromises. New compromises bring new challenges.
 With so many new challenges coming my way. i don't know what it's going to mean to us.  With new paths being generated with the latest events, will this bring us closer together( which i am hoping for) or will it pull us apart as we try to make our paths relevent in this world. I would never wish in a million years for tony and i to not be together. In my head I do always have it in the back of my head, well what if. Which i am sure everybody has. i just want to prepare myself for me. But i am just wondering will the me me me which we need to go through turn into me, myself, and I? Now being along has never ever been something i have had to really deal with. LITERALLY! Sometimes I sense myself pulling away from him, because of our situation at home. I just want it to be him and I. Doing this together, but other people like to be in the middle of everything and i just do not like that. So i guess what i am saying is can we make it through the next 3 years, and move away from this. That is our goal, to have the toyota paid off, all debts paid off, credit built up, our education done and ready for a new begining. so with my legalities taken place soon, hopefully it will be finalized by this summer! We still do not plan on getting married until after school, you know seperate finances equal better opportunities for schooling. i just hate having to reinforce our goals all the time. Not always knowing what he wants in the end... it bugs me. it's like i want to write out a contract and say this is what we are going for do you agree. i guess that's what marriage is for, eh?
 Sometimes i just want to be educated, healthier, and away from here, NOW! But, then i know i would miss so much of my life, i have built! But, did i really build it or did the walls go up around me and i suddenly looked and was like, shit how do i get out of here? The answer: go to school, be your own person! This is what i am doing, I just hope i have enough power(bulldozer) to knock down the walls!

Gee wilikers, martha, it's gonna be a great year!

So it is a new year.. i have set my goals... and low and behold i have managed to follow through with them.. as of wednesday of this week, i will be sitting down and finally getting some much needed papers signed and filed. soon i will be free... then i can get into fall quarter with being miss erin cadden, again. probably not spring due to the time it takes to file. then i will be able to grants and stuff and not just loans for my new journey of going to school. yes folks, erin is going to be going to massage school. i am finally doing it after what 11 years. it will be amazing just 2 years and i can have my license, work at an office, going to people's homes, be my own boss. With the flexible hours of going to school at nite and my job at macy's only be 6 hours  a day, i can do it! 
 Also, if you haven't heard about mine and tony's situation, well he is going monday to sign up for school to be a x-ray technician/ultrasound tech. which is really amazing to me. because he will be out of the field he was in and doing something worthwhile, that will support us in the rest of our journey. so we are doing this together, moving forward with new adventures and putting all that bad negative shit behind. no worries, we can make our payments for our cars with my pay and tony will get full unemployment and he will also be getting health insurance through them. it's all falling into place. for some reason i feel ok, relaxed not anxious anymore. knowing that we are following our paths. our own fate is in our hands and we as a couple are finally being the drivers in our lives, not the passengers. just so excited for all of this! yea for 2010 and being CENTERED!

a new and better week...

I have to be at work at 8:45 tonite and work until 4:15.. don't know how i will manage. it seems forever and then i have to go back to work tomorrow at 3 until 7 and then wednesday at 6:30 in the morning... I really dislike inventory and it's hours! but, i will manage. But i did have a great day on saturday with jerei and jean. the bodies exhibit was pretty interesting, not as big as it was a couple of years ago.. good educational fun. then we went to a english pub and jean and i had black and tans, can you believe a old german lady never having this.. silly lady. So i am just getting back into the groove of things, it was hard to adjust back to reality.  i jsut want to travel and visit people forever.. screw this working shit.. Or at least have a better paying job, with better time off. Someday, i will have my own business, and then well maybe. But, in a couple of months i will have kristen to torment and groove around with, so that will be so fun! I have an idea of what to do to fill up the time. Really want to go to forks, but it's an eight hours drive and we would have to be gone for like 2 days just to get it in, because i don't know who well i would do driving at nite all the way around the olympics and over the sounds. just haven't done it but, it could be an adventure. well see. hope more people can come and visit soon! i am also enjoy my new wii resort, my favorite, is basketball, table tennis, and cycling, it really makes you work out, next purchase will have to be the wii fit plus! so off to work soon, blah blah blah don't want to. and it got up to 60 today, cloudy and windy, so it will be warm at work. then with everyone there all the bright lights, ick.

2010

so it's a new year...2010.. a new decade... time to center myself.. set my goals... and fullfill them... with utmost importance! to be myself, accept myself bring out the best in myself..