Mod clothing

welcome one and all.. i have found the coolest site for stuff.... If you ever wished to go to new york, read nylon magazine, love vintage, mod stuff, you should read stuff white people like and go to this site, modclothing.com. i have a link to the right under star dust. it has the coolest accessories, clothes, and knick knack stuff we all are into, robots, owls, mushrooms, birds( i can pass on the bird decor, unless it's an owl or a peacock). so check it out and wish you could buy everything like i did. woo hoo!!!

The winter of 2008

This was the first day of snow that we had in washington for the winter season! it just keeps getting more and more. We have about 16 inches and counting. We went down to the seahawks game. Let me tell you it was cold, but lots of fun, we got to see brett favre play and that was awesome! we bundled up and and sat in snow. we took the charter bus down so we wouldn't have to drive. Even though i think it was stupid to go down in the middle of a blizzard, i did have fun! WE won the game against the jets and was probably the best game of the season, the last year with mike holmgren as the head coach, so we'll see what next year entails. I didn't take any picture at the game but i have more of snow!

today sucks!

things are stupid, my clothes don't fit right and their ugly, my hair sucks, i need a trim. i fucking hate my truck, i had to scrap the inside of my windows this morning, i do love the snow. work is stupid, people can't come in, because of it being too icy, so we have like 4 sales this week, and no body to fucking work. i hate food, but i am addicted. i love smoking but it's bad for me. i hate the air i breathe i want to fucking choke it and i have nothing to wear, because it's so friggen cold that i have to wear 20 layers in my office, no fucking heat. oh and i hate everything, it sucks, having your period sucks, i just want to go to bed and sleep for like days and anyone who talks to me i just want to slap. i need chocolate, ahhh i need a fucking joint, bitch. fuck i hate today!

Too little too late.. i beg your pardon, you are in my way.

I was cleaning my room today, i got a new shelf for all of tony's video games and such. so i fianlly got behind my door to what i thought was just a box of books. no, it was a whole bunch of stuff i collected way back from school and all of your girls high school photos, piano recital recordings and such. then i found this journal, i kept it when i wrote to mike after he died. wtf, wow. it's really strange to read the stuff i wrote myself the feelings i felt, and what led up to where i am not and all the inbetween crap i did. so i am going to share some poems that i conjured up.

nov. 30, 2002
Seasons change
And so do we
Along we are
In a world of everything
The flowers peak
The roses blink
So what do i do
Wish not to think

dec. 15, 2002
Screaming thorns
Blackened rugs
Make me bleed
I dream of nothing
Talk to rocks
Kick the block
Scream at me
I scream at you

The rain that touches my lips is a kiss form you in heaven. The dew that covers the ground is a blanket you give to protect me. And when the wind blows through my hair i know you are lifting me along . Along an unknowing path. The footprints that i leave in the sand, will never be accompanied by you. But i know when the clouds form, your strolling along and thinking of me.

Now i tell my self how pathetically grief stricken i was at this time, to know that six years ago, i didn't think i wanted to ever go on with my life without him. Little did i know, that he was right, i will find my love, not with him, but with someone who really loves me, i will find it he said. it's funny how life changes and how things end up. i am grateful for his life i got to share but not for the pain he caused me, i am no longer mad at him. I feel sorry for his family, which i am not a part of, i was a just a passerby who latched on too long. Good riddence.

so i would like to say good riddence but as i was trying to read what the last thing i wrote was, it fell out of the pages, a picture of him, i can't look at it, i am afraid to, i don't think i have been this afraid to look at him, in years, will it change and show him scary or will it be okay, i don't know what i am talking about, why am i doing this to myself, jsut look at the fucking picture it's okay, it's just a fucking picture, so why can't i do it. because whatever i am silly, i will look at the picture when i am ready to, i still have fear, feelings and unanswered questions, that i will have to wait years for. until i go home, will be my answer. so it's okay to still be scared of someone you used to love. fucken stupid asshole, if he was here i would kick his ass, well if his ghose appears i will kick it's ass too, there i looked at it, it makes me sick,. i will never understand it, nor shall you. okay i am over it, r.i.p.