enter phase 1

well it's almost september. i have registered for school, my transcripts are in progress of evaluation, my financial aide is going through, slowly. i should find out this week or next what classes i can get into. so pray that i can get into the pre requisites that i need for nursing and not knocked into another program. pray pray pray!!! so i am totally excited to embark on this long awaited journey. so the practical nursing program is 2 years, hoping i get in after my year of prerequisites. then i will have to work a year's worth of hours to be accepted into the r n program. which will only get me an associates degree. which is totally acceptable by me. then off to get my bachleors. which is my goal by the time i am forty. i give myself leeway due to the fact the closest place to do this is seattle. so i am in a good direction, as long as my entry ends of being fabulous! and my work is totally willing to accommodate my schedule as long as i get one soon!

it's time for a cookie, bitch

Life...hasnn't been going my way.. i have been procrastinating, my fault. i am just in this stupid rut where i don't care. i just feel like to get where i want is going to take forever, i am loosing faith in it and just want to run away. the first time in my life where i can't really do that. shit... what did i get myself into. maybe i just want to run away from this for a moment. i was working a second job for a couple weeks and the lady passed away on saturday morning.. so sad she was only 52, and it made me think i could get cancer really bad and not life a full life, what have i given this life that is worthwhile. okay so me just existing doesn't count, i need to feel like a changed a life, or made a difference. i guess this all stems from being in middle school in when i thought my friends were everything and they totally ditched me and made fun of me and acted like i was stupid and retarded, i didn't talk to anyone for that whole summer.  i told my self i would never have a bunch of friends around just for the hell of it\, but to have a few real good friends i can always count on to have my back and understand me.so sometimes i don't think the people closest to me understand at all or really understand how much it really fucking sucks that i upset. my family here, they don't get it, well i don't let them in because i don't like to let people in, who would imagine that. i know i am sounding shitty, but well i just need to let it out, tony doesn't get it because he never gets depressed or upset unless it's something huge. and well i let things bottle up and then i am like this and that and i am shitty and you suck. grrrr. i am going to have a cookie.