I am eating dry roasted peanuts.

Here I am. I feel like I haven't posted in years. I occassionally stop by and catch up on all the wonderful things and thoughts everyone is having. Okay, I am totally stalking all of you.
Well I feel like i should blog. Mainly because I feel lost. I have been for a while. As a matter of fact I am really not lost. It's just my excuse for my lack of motivation in my life. I have no hobbies ( and no tanning is not a hobby, though I think it's my relaxation and from not going sane from all the bleak skies and rain. Yes it effects the crap out of me. )
My inner gusto is upset. My job is not supplying me with enough satisfaction. In fact I am trying to get my old job back. I think if not, I may really consider leaving Macys'. My homestead, same as usual. Tony has a job that starts in September, supposedly. So, we are here still... I won't go on we all know I hate it, it sucks and Blah Blah Blah. i am very happy for him. I just do not trust any job he gets, they all see so fake and temporary.
   So here I am on a saturday night, with nothing to do. But, to listen to his parents catter in the front room as I hide out in my room. is this my life I really wanted. NO.  I want a job that gives me the real me, the driven, no sink all swim, perfectionst, organized and positive leader I know is in me. I want to support my self, if needed. Which I haven't been able to do since I have been with tony. Sad, really sad. I am getting down on myself, because I say I am lost but really i am comfortable. don't know where to turn. The feeling of I just want to pack and run away. But i am never going to be satisfied no matter where or who I am with unless I am satisfied with my self. So i am going back on my diet and starting to budget my money better, so i can actually save some money, and update my resume. My really good friend Sabrina will be up next week, so I can totally use her. She is a successful working woman who takes care of herself, supports herself. She's like my big sister I never had. so it will be great to have her around for a week. So here's to my determination that the company i work for values me. Yes i know it's a corporation, there is no love. i can get my old job back. If not, here's to the future and beyond...