I who settle myself here
I who has to get it together
I who has to deal with it all
I who has to get the hell out of here.
Why is it when things are hard and unbearable, that I feel the need to run, run far, far, far away?
I can pinpoint it, but why do I stil have the longing?
It all comes down to being little and when things got rough at home i was always sent away. Everyone kept all the bad stuff from me. Shifted from my grama's aunt and uncles, family friends.. All the time. never settled, never stable.
Well all the bad shit in life they kept me from.. Well, bad shit happens to everyone, you can't hide from it nor run from it.
I am finding this so difficult to take out of my programming. I dream of a place to call my own. I am daydreaming my life away, because it's the only things that keeps me sane. So take me away, take me far far away. To a place that i cannot run from, or hide, that feels just fine.
Then i start to think that i am just racing and pushing myself deeper into a whole, because i cannot find the strength to pull myself out, so i think well let's dig alittle, go down a little further, at least i am doing something, right. NO.... i need to get the fuck out fo this hole, this wretched, dark, lonely hole. A hole i put myself in... A hole that's all my own. And until i get out, i am just gonna go crazy. So i think my mind needs to learn how to climb, dig into the sides of this hold and pull, pull my way to the top, out of the hold and into the sunshine. The warmth of the sun penetrating on my skin, so soft and yet blinding that i do not want to look. But, this heat that bears down is so comforting, that once you feel it, you know. Your home!
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