support is all i ask for...

As someone is has been over 200 pounds for for than half her life, i say that it is a differnce that someone who has not. I get depressed looking at picture and seeing how big i am compared to others, even my friends. i think about how i can't share my clothes with most of them because i am bigger. What gets me is that you don't see it you want to change it, yet you get lazy or unfocused. Now i am eating healthier, trying to anyways and plan on starting a new exercise program, for the rest of my life, not just temporary, but to be healthy and happy for a long time. i guess i feel upset when people tell me that if they were that big omg, they would be so depressed, that somehow being fat is like being an untouchable, what you aren't worthy anymore, am i not worthy. I try not to care what people think because i know i am beautiful and lots of people love me. It's the loving of my self, that gets me. And when close friends suggest i need to do something before i have a coronary or i need counseling( you know who you are) i try not to be offended because i know you are just trying to help. But sometimes i just need someone to listen and just be there, not judge me or critisize my lack of ambition or tell me how their diets worked and how my isn't what they think is correct. So listen up i have been a really big girl most of my life i do have a eating disorder and i do need help, most of you haven't been big all your life, may have struggled with you ups and downs, but do not know what it is like to be FAT. so what i am trying to say is that I and possibly other peeps, need your support in getting healthy. Please think before you comment on weight, it hurts. And if i didn't tell you this is person, well it's because i probably would have flipped out and caused issues and i don't want that. i just want all of my friends to know that I am getting help and will be struggling for a while.SUPPORT, that's what i need. I will try not to sarcastically put down the skinny people, after all you are people as well. and what may work for you is not necessarily going to work for me. Thanks and i love you all.