I love myself.

May i become who i have always been. may i have control of my life so that i may be free of my insanity. it becomes and overbearing load. when my finger wants the trigger i can only cry and run. then i can be the happy one, because that's all that everyone else wants. i can't take anyone else, being me. being me into what they want. i will not take the enduring pain of them. the harsh pain of my onmotivated being of crazy, of crazy land. i shall make an island where i will do the cartwheels. they will reinforce my goodness and then i shall be one. one with what? my self, why, all i want to do is separate and run, run far away and cry. just the tear no one sees but can only heal if it is felt.?