DESPERADO

I don't what it is, but i have desperately been wanting my mom near me. it's all i can think about and everytime i do something it's all i compare things to, like how she used to do this and what she would say. so i put up this video, because it is her favorite song! everytime i hear it, i just sob, knowing that it totally defines part of her life and is so relative to her situation. if she would just have let someone really love her. well, it could be so different. but, it never will be. so i have just been missing her. wish she would just call and say " erin, no matter how bad it gets, it can only get better" she always said that to me. man, why didn't she follow that? i just love her so much and want her here to see who i am and what i will be, doesn't everyone want that? but i am being selfish and i personally just need to let go. or maybe this is going to lead up to when i can finally forgive my mother and be at peace with her abrupt departure from us. i will get here i try everyday. so when you listen to this song, just picture my mom in her apartment, windows open, the breeze blowing throw the curtains, and her cleaning around her place and just singin the hell our of this song. god, i miss that so much, you know the way she just loved me or as much as she could. it just fucking sucks so much that one person could be so inspiring for all the downfalls they endured, amazing actually. because i have always grown up not wanting to be like her. but now, truthfully i would love to be the wonderful, loving, open-minded, fun person that my mom was. funny how life takes you and that drops you. i just wish when i drop it wouldn't hurt so bad, i guess i need some more padding, ya know.