Thursday, July 12, 2007
Time to start...end the madness
There was a time in my life, when i thought i could change the world. Where i really thought i was getting right and together. Then things happened, bad things, where i didn't think i was going to make it. It was just coming at me full force. I didn't snap, but i think i lost myself in it all. Now as i am trying to build a future with a person i love so much. i am perplexed as to where i fit in? Am i just there to be, a do-it girl, love me girl, kiss me girl, oh i love you and that's all that matters girl. No i don't want to be that girl. i am strong, intelligent, worthy, caring, sensitive, empathtic(maybe more than i need to be), funny, courageous, loving, happy, emotional, creative, gosh there is so much that i have that needs to be out there. i am not saying he doesn't see those things, i just think that the people around us, don't notice. People seem to do that a lot, don't notice me, what my purpose is as a whole human being. Do i even know, probably not to the fullest extent. but, i am powerful, i feel, i share, i listen. So why is it that i am totally taken for granted, graced over by glances, and the oh erin will just do it. Because i do it to myself, i want that, i make it. Because to me it's just easier, simpler, comfortable. Well, being comfortable means that you aren't taken any chances and you are just not living life to the fullest. i truly believe that. it will take all that i have to stand up say no, i am all of this and i will be the best i know and much more. i can make this work, i can have that happy life with that person and let us be who we are without any scuitany. Even if it takes everything to move on. The easy way would be to leave, go back where i came from and just be that Erin. That is to easy and hard at the same time, but it is an option. i want to be the bold and courageous, strong and knowing person i see myself as. No more backing down, taking crap and letting people walk all over me. That is my step to be a positve loving human being. But if it means not letting everyone in,. well so be it.. i don't know that i mean by that . i will just have to see what happens, after all i am only human.
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2 comments:
erin, you are human, it sux that these experiences are making you feel like that! Sometimes it is hard for people to see all the good things in others,especially when they are focusing their thoughts on what they are upset about, and they take their own frustrations out on them!! Tony rules...you are strong and smart and i love you so much, you do what makes YOU happy first, you do it for others so much!! you deserve everything happy and cool and good stuff whenever!!
Erin you are an awesome person with so many people who love you, and as you pointed out, you have so much to offer the world. Its obvious that you know this and want to do something about it and thats a big deal. There is no reason why you should let anyone walk all over you. In certain situations there is always the need for compromise. But you need to do things because you want to do them, not because you feel like you have no choice. The fact that you feel invisible probably means that you need to stand up and be heard a lot more. You've got to just be yourself and do things that you want to do and not worry about people judging you, because they need to appreciate you for who you are rather than for the expectations that they set for you.
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