In the track of time...

So... i don't know where to begin. I have decided that i am no longer who i was perceiving my self to be. you see all long i thought i was the one person who could make it ok. well, today after having a conversation with a good friend of mine, i realized that even i cannot control how people are ultimately going to react to certain situations. this really does sadden me. It's not in a bad way, just that i worrry so about everyone else being okay with everything. that i didn't realize that their are underlying issues that i really don't know that much about. I always think that everyone has to be super friends with each other all the time. when, really we should give and take a little with everyone, that others deserve attention more than given and we can't all be there 100% all the time. because this would take away the special bond we have with each and every person we encounter. sometimes i talk to one person for an extended period of time and them move on to another. putting in more when i deam it necessary, not just for the person but for myself as well. so this puts me back as to why i am saddened. perhaps for the loss of what i thoght was a truly special group of girls. not that we are not friends are anything like that, but how we all reacted to it. and how fast people are to look to the worst when it comes to not truly understanding each other. even i did it, that is why i am sad. i miss not being back with everyone, but i don't belong there. i am here with my life and others friends and family. i love all my friends and that will never change. but, i really like how i have become and evolved and it will be ever changing, but i want to improve each and one of my friendships and make them even better. because for me having someone i have know for so long makes it even sweeter. so in like the years to come when we sit down we will all take in so much of what we accomplished it will be like we never left. you know when we open that coffee shop. so i guess what i am trying to say, is that are underlying bullshit will never go away. it's just how we really do react to it, that makes the situation what it is. and i hope what happend this time is a prime example for all of us and it makes us better friends for opening up gates that have been locked for so long. i wish it didn't have to be such hard words, but sometimes that is needed for people to actually pay attention. so thank you all for being my friends and putting in your 2 cents, because that is really all i wanted accomplished. and remember the phone is only a button away. and when you feel like getting a point across. dont' hesitate to call that person. because it truly makes the difference. and also understand that each of us have a special little bond to everyone. and we may tell others more that what you expect, but some people need that. i know i do, but if we could sit down for a couple hours examine it in our head before telling someone, it won't get out of hand. so i guess all in all, what you say does effect everyone. because we are all connected in this world. so when you get the bag. remember what we are for each other. because we all need a little saving once in a while.( if you have found this information to be a bunch a crap, please don't hesitate to let me know, because i kind of lost track of what i was trying to say) i guess that's what it's for. i love you all!!!